Quietly Conflicted

I’m sitting here with my burdens

Realizing that the lonely stat lonely,

But only because they don’t know how to not be lonely.

I want to show that I feel it,

To have another know that I feel it,

To tell someone that I feel it.

But that would be narcissistic,

      I will bear my burdens, and listen to the burdens of others.

               For the lonely often hear the burdens of others,

               Even though they don’t talk much.

That would be weak.

      If others knew I felt this, they will judge for it.

                                                      blame me for it.

                                                      label me as it.

But not doing so makes me weak,

     My burdens dominate my thoughts for I don’t have the answers.

      I think and think, but as with all thinking,

      Two heads are better than one.

Not doing so makes me narcissistic.

       I can’t genuinely comfort another, because I’ve never genuinely been comforted.

                                                       (because I’ve never genuinely asked to be comforted,

                                                         and I’ve never genuinely asked to comfort.)

                I can’t genuinely care for another, because I’ve never been genuinely cared for

                                                                (because relationships are all about give and take,

                                                                 and it’s hard to take when you don’t understand

                                                                 what’s being given.

                                                                 and it’s hard to give when you don’t understand

                                                                 what’s being taken.)

So I sit here with my conflicting burdens.

        Knowing they are my downfall, yet what keeps me up.

        Knowing they are why I hate others, and can’t love another,

        Yet why I can’t hate another, and why I love others.

I am quietly conflicted.