released from the pain .

No matter what
I am faced with in my life
Illness that you can not see
Which Lys on the inside of me
I try to stay positive
Keep busy
And stay active
Never giving in
I suffer chronic pain everyday
There is nothing im told
That the doctor's
can do for me
Often it's so painful
It's hard to get to sleep
Do things like i used to
This secret
I'll no longer keep
My hips and back
Hold so much hostility
Against my aching body
I'm often so tired
I spend the day crying
I've retained my instability
Pushing it down inside
For the sake of my humility
Never allowing the illness
to obtain responsibility
For my mind's fragility
But except the pain
and live together as one
My point here is everyone
Suffers in some way
Whether you can see their illness
On the outside
looking into their aching eyes
bearing their souls ,
Or not knowing
someone has a battle going on
Hidden on the inside
Away from eyes to see
Support all around you in life
Life is often short lived
A problem shared
Is a problem of the soul in half
Reach your heart out
To those around you
You may just be the support
they need
For years now
I've suffered polycystic ovarian syndrome,
At time's I've wished to climb inside myself
And rip out my ovaries
And shake them in my hands
While screaming why me
I want my life back
The last four years I've had
Frequent cancer checkups
One of my ovaries
seeks all the attention
But I've excepted the fact
that i just may take my life one day
And there is nothing more i can do
about the situation
For almost five years I've had a cystic tumor
on my right ovary
Blood tests and ultrasound's
every few months
I lived in fear of dying
I can't remember living in that time,
Recently my tumor marker levels
returned to almost normal,
The tumor is still there
It seems to be dormant
or benign
But within my mind it lives
It haunts
Like waiting for the day
That things turn a bad corner
The doctors and specialist
refuse to remove my ovary
Although I've pleaded with them many times to do so
So instead of putting my faith in them
I place my faith in me
I live with the pain
as if it is part of who i am
I except it
I live knowing i will die one day
In illness or other accordance with the path
god has created for me to travel
And I except death as a right of passage
to be free of pain
I tell you all this,
Not for attention or sympathy
I'm fine
I tell you this because
whatever comes into your life
If you become ill
Live your life like you have everything
to loose
But do not let an illness
destroy your chance to live
Except it
Be brave everyone must die
It's the laws of life
Just live
And live well
The best way you can
When your time is up upon this earth
You will be released from the pain
And your spirit shall live again.

my true story, if you can take something positive form here
i am so very grateful
love , health and happy wishes to you all xx nardine