Poem -
Sadness
Sadness is being born with wings,
But never meant to fly.
With potential to fulfill your dreams
You watch them slowly die.
There's a killing pain inside my soul
That always seems to capture
Emptiness inside a holeΒ
That never can rapture.
Through the pain and torment,
I spread my wings tonight.
Spirit, treasure this moment-
The moment I take flight.
Support CosmoFunnel.com
You can help support the upkeep of CosmoFunnel.com via PayPal.
Comments
Hey, Jenna. Welcome to the CosmoFunnel Community.
I hope you enjoy your time here.
βThere's a killing pain inside my soul
That always seems to capture
Emptiness inside a holeΒ
That [never can] can never rapture.β β I really enjoyed the rhyming scheme you've utilized all throughout this emotionally driven piece. However, I was thrown a bit by the reverse syntax used in the final line of stanza two, S-2, L-4.
Consider switching the words "never can" to "can never" and see what you think...
Like the mystical Phoenix rising up from out of the ashes, so too should we when we are betrayed by someone we love.
Nicely done!
~Dean Kuch βͺβ₯β«
Dear JENNA!!..... this is a beautifully delivered sadness..... as a poet you have poetic license to explore ' anything ' your poetic pen desires......I pray this is just an exercise and not the painful melancholy of a soul in terrible pain!!..... you! ~ dear poet sister are gifted scribe!!....,. perfect formatting in this well conceived and BEAUTIFULLY delivered piece!!......ALL STARS!!...... well done..... and...... WELCOME to COSMO!!......LOVE & ROCKETS!!......T xo ??β΄β΄? ?
A lovely piece of flowing poetry, well done.
John