Self Portrait

Dark clouds surround my mind like the shadows of auras I see
Clouded judgment drags me down like birthing
Being born was a bitch, I didn't ask to be here
But everyday of my life I live with a constant fear
Of being exposed as a person who cares and has feelings
The two things I've always tried to hide within this fuck you mentality
As I cry by myself reliving my past 
I get this bout of anger and wanna beat a bitches ass
When I say bitch it could be woman or man
I want someone else to feel my pain without feeling bad 
Have no pity for me don't walk my shame
I have no sense of loyalty just a constant shadow of pain
I try to be happy and look for the brighter day
But life ain't fair I was over that shit my first yesterday
Self mutilation is my way of saving others
Cause if I don't hurt me I'll hurt you and others
The mentality of a serial killer whose grown a heart
Trying to rid myself of this personality because heaven is in my heart
I want to sit on the right side of The Perfect Being
But know it may never happen cause at the foot of my bed is satan that I'm seeing
Dazed and confused lucky with no gun
If I had one this fight with myself would be over before it's won.