Poem -
She broke into my dreams
Like 2 Pin it 0She broke into my dreams and showed me how to fly
She freed me from the prison walls that I built around my mind.She broke into my dreams
kicked the boundarys far and wide
Kissed away my broken heart and all the pain I felt inside.Â
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Comments
? you have such a way with words. This is beautifulÂ
Hello Ian,
I really enjoyed 'She Broke Into My Dreams'
For myself...
I found I often placed words "that"
aren’t necessary and at times will steal and studder step the flow & rhythm of then poem...
In regard to that, FOR ME, I found your poem flowed better this way, changing “the” to those and and deleting “that” and “I felt” and changing “kicked"
to kicking and deleting "the"
She broke into my dreams
And showed me how to fly
She freed me from
Those prison walls
I built around my mindp
She broke into my dreams
Kicking boundaries far and wide
Kissed away my broken heart
And all the pain inside
Hope you aren’t offended, your poem is beautiful as is, just a friendly observation.
Sincerely,
Bill MacEachern