Sleep Paralysis

I remember a time when sleep was uninterrupted,
Now it's damaged and restless and corrupted
By thoughts or by forces I find hard to describe,
It's like a feeling of being lifted toward the highest of heights,
Visceral buzzing sends shock waves through my teeth,
 As I wonder what will happen if I eventually reach the peak,
Higher and higher now my teeth start to hurt
But then I fight against it and I descend back to earth,
As I descend I wonder what's wrong in my head,
That if I want to wake up I need to get back to bed,
Before I get time to gather myself,
The relief is cut short, it's not over yet,
Because the real fear isn't gone, in fact it's about to begin,
As the next stage, sleep paralysis, is about to kick in,
Another restless night that I'll never get back,
A once heavy sleeper turning into an insomniac,
The paralysis takes hold of me on a too regular basis,
I wake up, can't move, hallucinate, see faces,
See bodies, see people, are they alive or dead?
Terrified by the figure at the foot of my bed,
I can't scream, I can't move, I can't chase it away,
If you're gonna take me then take me, I can't stand this delay!
The only thing moves in me is the pumping of my chest,
Rapidly rhythmic keeping up with my breath,
And I think that I've never felt closer to death,
But then I try to clench my fist and it moves but it's weak,
I try harder to scream and I muster a squeak,
And the pile of dead bodies turns into a pile of clothes,
And the figure at the end of the bed turns into shadows,
That have been cast by the cursed curtains that get me every time,
And I get annoyed with myself because it's happened again,
And though it's over for now and I'm more tired than I've ever been,
If I go straight back to sleep it'll pull me back in,
This stupid manifestation manifesting its stupid self,
My very own subconscious constantly fighting itself,
Constantly fighting me, it's me doing this,
Just get out of my head and let me exist,
In a worlds full of dreams and nostalgia and rainbows,
And fight off the nightmares and light up the shadows,
Or get me away, get me out, let me live,
Let me lose my intelligence, let my head be a sieve,
Let me sleep, let me dream, let my nights become clear,
Without the intrusion of this crippling fear,
Perhaps suppressed memories doing their best to get out,
Or unhappy thoughts caused by anxiety and doubt,
Let these dark thoughts that have caused this, that are fighting and winning,
Time travel backwards to beyond their beginning,
But the adventurer inside me wants to ride it again,
And see how that thunderous ascent finally ends,
But there is a genuine fear that at the top awaits death,
The shadowy figure perhaps, I would meet in the flesh,
So I rationalise that there are greater things in life,
Than that adrenaline rush in the dead of the night,
So as it overtakes me I push it away,
Because I won't let it take me, at least not today.