Some days I wonder why..

Am I good enough? Can I compare to the vibrance and beauty of those women? Did I ever ignite your soul and make it dance in a new and magical way? 
Three years I put into loving you, and raising you a family.  I tried beyond my abilities to make you happy, and make you smile, to understand what excites you and how your gears work together as one. Not once did I ever believe you'd do wrong of fall to what you believed as my level of stupidity. Years I argued with you, you told me my ignorance and how wrong  I was, when I was right. You slowly pulled all my confidence in myself and my abilities down, further and further; until there was no trace of thier existance. Although I see why you did; you never intended for me to say, you didn't want me around. When we found out I carried the miracle of life you wanted it gone, when I refused you decided you had to be here. Over the years my body has grown saggy and out of shape, my eyes dull and lifeless. My face a constant stare of exhustion. Any beauty I had has withered away. My personality has changed, I dont laugh very often, my mind is always at a worry or a sadness. I dont like to play around or have fun because I am afraid of positivity. I am tired of life and of trying but I cant give up for the sake of my kids. All I want to do is start over, but I cant because I am relied on by two beautiful children. Children I wish were made into a loving family. I guess what I am trying to say is my life and my memories with you are all lies, the happiest days of my life are now horrible memories of betrayal. My love and efforts, wasted, blown away in the wind. I miss myself, but everything I gave up and have become, happened because I tried to make you the king of my world. But I just wasn't good enough. The worst part of all this,  is that I love you..