Portrait of a Soul

In the deepest educated corners of my mind
I paint a very dark picture
but not for you to see, I'm not that selfish? 

a very private moment of imagery
just for me to look at
a sort of reminder
and a warning, never to accept such love again

tangles of pain and disillusion from the past
awarded generously to me, by rotten love

but I wouldn't want you to see my pain
a personal portrait of pure misery
a tale so distorted

 and I?

who was forever hoping to see
the bright colors of the roses
others do speak of
alas, it wasn't to be

 
now I own a tragic portrait

an image that would twist even the most well-built of hearts

blinding your soul with excruciating insecurity
how did I get from being such
a pure and wonderful soul? 

a poetic heart that once bloomed
now in ruins spread on a gutter
black dead petals, soaking up the rain
as the sun has been taken hostage    

 and so now…

I sacrifice even the kindest of love
which may still come my way  
with an acceptance of my fate eternally
knowing in the end I myself am selfish

because you too, can now see the whole picture.