Stared at me

Lonesome, laying in bed thinking someone will come soon.
Without you I realize being alone, can mean so much more,
than not having someone physically by you taking up space. 
Because I have you, you're here, you’re all over this place.
You hurt and deceived me, confused me, then comforted me
at the same time, without realizing I felt as though you were using me. 
You told me you loved me, then walked away.
You came back and told me you were sorry and scared, 
but still loved me, then you walked away again.
It’s a cycle and just like before, you came back.
See I don’t need you, I know that, but I crave you.
You don’t heal me. I do!
However you make me feel better when I look over at you.
Even when I start to think all that you say are lies. 
You hold me, you hold me into the night,
and In that moment, you don’t need to tell me I will be alright.
However, soon it all just became to much
and I started to lose all sight and hope. 
Nonetheless I kept you but refused to cope.
I distanced myself but kept myself near. 
Not realizing that I was now living in fear.  
That you would never crave me, the way I desire to be with you.
That you would stay until you decided,
you wanted something pretty and new.
The thing is it’s true, you do love me. I know this!
Your love reflects off sparks you light with your eyes
and will burn in my heart, until the day that I die.
I hope one day this space between us will clear,
because as annoyed as I am by you and as much as we don’t speak;
as much as I refuse to touch you or let you see me weep, 
as much as we avoid each other while sitting next to one another.
I’m not dead! So the fire you lit with your spark, still burns. 
However you just don’t realize how unfortunately happy
I am to have you, even when I don’t physically have you. 
See I love you so much, that no matter how much you irritate me, 
I can never be mad at you and I never will be.
As much as we are together in this place or space physically and
as far as the distance feels between us mentally,
I know and it pains me but yet lifts me up to say. 
I’d continue to live this way, yes I would,
i’d live this way everyday, just because you're mine.
I’d go through the silence and the awkward sighs in-between.
Knowing one day we will break the wall our stubborn hearts built up.
I’d stay even if we never talked because when you stare at me, I see you
and you still see me and that is just how I want it to be.
To be comfortable with someone who truly sees me
and I know that our love still burns in your heart.
Because I showed you the door when I thought the spark had burned out
and you, you just made two cups of tea, sat down, looked up
and then stared at me.