Still a mother...

Under my skin, my addiction crawls
One more drink, my life will fall
Standing here, telling my stories
My blurry eyes, won't stop pouring
I've tried to be brave and love myself
I've emptied bottles and tasted hell
I've witnessed disappointment in my children's eyes
I've never been the one to ease their worried minds
Choices were mine at first
Until the devil was my thirst
I've lost count of how many times I've apologised
Now I don't speak these words, I just ask myself why
My little girls are not who I once remembered
This is history I'll not get back, I dismembered
I miss my old friends and family
To me these brought the real magic
I've stolen
Lived broken
Lost love
Felt numb
I've had thoughts of non existence
I've drank with hated persistence
I've held my head under water asking somebody, just take me
I've been on the brink with another hopeless drink, but couldn't see
This liquid that controls my every thought
I'm a drunken mess, I should fight more
My children understand now, that they were never the choice
Everyday my heart aches, I missed out on them getting their voice
They are not so little anymore but still, my angels love and live
If I accept and control my demons inside, maybe with them, I'll breathe
So...
Hello my name is Katrina
48hrs and still sober
Being here, with you listening to my worries
Has given me hope, strength, bravery and courage
Maybe one day I'll not be afraid
Maybe one day I'll make a change
The future is a daunting place
Will I still be a loving mother
Will my children still know my face
So I'm here today because I want sober days
I'm still a mother, myself I'll pray
I'm still a mother, myself I'll save
Thanks for listening...