The Abundance Inside Of You

You seem like any other plain girl. People that know you say your fine. They believe your fine. But then how can people ever know what someone else is thinking.

You meet people, oh so many people. But it all goes by in a blur.You put on faces of delight when somebody compliments you, your crystalline smile that everyone believes. And when they ask you how you're doing you reply 'good'. But it's not you. You are not the one talking, you are instead lost inside your mind. A flurry of thoughts and cacophony that you will never be able to escape. Maybe a sleeping pill to calm them, Or maybe a blade.

So you spin a web around yourself. A web that you hope will protect you, but don't you need protecting from yourself? Then the guilt comes. The feelings that weigh you down after it happens, after you calm your thoughts. You cry and cry but never fall asleep, hoping in the morning the lullaby you sing will help you through the day. You dream of others lives that seem so perfect standing next to yours, and when you wake you are disappointed to see what you find. Your mediocre self who is to weak to fight and to strong to tell anyone how you feel. You tell yourself it will go away in time, but days, weeks, years go by and you are still carrying your own burden. You hide your wrists, you put on a brave face and you fool everyone. All of them. You start envying someone that will tell you that they don't get it, but also tell you that in time it won't hurt so bad. That will let you cry on their shoulder and tell them all of your secrets and lies. But no. Instead, the bullies sink their teeth into your skin, your dirty skin so tightly knitted together, full on lies, yet so soft and easily damaged. They mock you in the halls, they chew you up and spit you out, they say they get it but they don't. They never will.However much you hate them you believe them. You stare at your reflection and see the grotesque, repulsive girl they say you are. You hate yourself. 

You bottle up these feelings inside of you until you can't breath. They tie you down whispering in your ear, resonating through you, as you cry out in pain and frustration because you don't know what is happening to you. You never know.