The air I breathe in

The air I breathe in, and space in thirteen dimensions, you
Fill my waking thoughts and dreams, day and night.
My fear to lose you and live without you,
Day after day, year after year, eyes dry, no tears,
For that’s who I know I am; frightens me, it frightens me.
 
That question resurfaced, the question of intense passions
That make it easier to die for a cause: you.
From the depths of past, it came; it hadn’t gone anywhere.
My weakness that lay crouching, pounced upon its prey
At a moment of abject vulnerability. I wasn’t so weak before you
Came into, happened to, me, my life.
 
I, who scoffed at those who drowned, who fell,
In love. I wasn’t so weak, never like them was I, but now,
Going on the knees, for one moment, the first;
Leaving the guarded sophistry, my second nature;
I feel like I’m begging from a person as powerless as I, to become
The air I breathe in, to congeal time right there, so that I don’t
Breathe out the air, to stay within forever,
My life, my death, my nectar, my venom,
Killing me dead yet not leaving my body.
 
I’m not sure yet, how easy is death, for I love to live,
I always have. Ah, to live with you,
How happy a state would it be! Not changing at all,
Even a whit, even post-love?
 
Still loathe and avoid death, I do.
Death, the recurrent theme,
Now intertwined with another: You.
 
You overpower death, or, let me rephrase it,
Fear to fear, losing you as a possibility,
So engrosses me, pervades my being so,
That I forget death for a while, and now,
I have you and death in front of me.
 
My thoughts run.
They run to hide in your protective lap to lie there, to sleep, fearless,
For death can’t reach there, you’ve told me with your reassuring eyes.
Your eyes are brown, which shade, I never had courage to stay and stare
And know for sure. They’re bewitching, unnerving, beautiful.
I hardened the cyst but the soft core of truth, of weakness; remained.
You’ve told me that the fear of loss – of life, of love; is true.
But asked me to rest while you weave round me a cocoon.
Saving me from this ruthless world, where I’ve walked, throat
Parched, ever on the move, always with the fear that one sign,
Of weakness, and they’ll tear me apart and feed upon my corpse.
 

The air I breathe in, and space in thirteen dimensions, you
Fill my waking thoughts and dreams, days and nights.
My fear to lose you and live without you,
Day after day, year after year, eyes dry, no tears,
For that’s who I know I am; frightens me, it frightens me.
 
Intense, passionate, I never was, nor ever had causes to die for.
I, scoffed at the drowned, the dead who fell or failed
In love. I wasn’t so weak, never like them was I, but now,
Going on knees, my sophistry shed, I beg from a mortal
As powerless as I,
 
To become the air I breathe in,
To congeal time right there, so that I don’t
Breathe out that air, to stay within forever.
My life, my death, my nectar, my venom,
Killing me dead yet not leaving my body.
 
I’m not sure yet, how easy is death, for I love to live,
I always have. Ah, to live with you,
How happy a state would it be! Not changing at all,
Even a whit, even post-love?
 
Still loathe and avoid death, I do.
Death, the recurrent theme,
Now intertwined with another: You.
 
You overpower death, or, let me rephrase it,
Fear to fear, losing you as a possibility,
So engrosses me, pervades my being so,
That I forget death for a while, and now,
I have you and death in front of me.
 
My thoughts run.
They run to hide in your protective lap to lie there, to sleep, careless,
For death can’t reach there, you’ve told me with your reassuring eyes.
Your eyes are brown, which shade, I never had courage to stay and stare
And know for sure. They’re bewitching, unnerving, beautiful.
I hardened the cyst but the soft core of truth, of weakness; remained.
You’ve told me that the fear of loss – of life, of love; is true.
But asked me to rest while you weave round me a cocoon.
Saving me from this ruthless world, where I’ve walked, throat
Parched, ever on the move, always with the fear that one sign,
Of weakness, and they’ll tear me apart and feed upon my corpse.