The Ball

It's eleven o'clock and my thoughts dance dangerously 
they spin and they sway doing anything to avoid the thought of you

 It's twelve o'clock and I have yet to leave the ball
the ball leaves my hand and returns to the other doing anything to avoid you 

It's one o'clock and my eyelids are heavy but my feet won't let me leave
I know I can't sleep because than I'll dream of you 

It's two o'clock and my mind is tired of fending off thoughts of you
I think about basketball but than I remembered that you liked basketball 
I think of school but than I remember we used to go together
I think of music but I can only think of that damn song that you loved 

It's three o'clock and I've given up 
it's not fair that my mind only counts reasons to stay awake
it's not fair that the number one reason is you 
it's not fair that you can walk away from this and I can't 
it's not fair that every time I close my eyes I see you take ablade down your wrist
it's not fair that every time I see that damn movie I forget how to breathe 

It's four o'clock and I'm the only one still at the ball
I can't leave because when I close my eyes I see you
I see you painting your wrist red when you didn't know I was there 
I can't sleep because I hear you telling me it's my fault you want to kill yourself

It's five o'clock and yet here I am 
damn you for making me feel so pathetic 
I'm afraid to go to sleep because the thought of you knocks the air out of my lungs
the thought of you makes my heartache
the thought of you makes me choked up and I hate you for making me feel this way
I hate you for making me love you when it was pretty damn obvious you didn't give a fuck about me