The broken fight
In a Place of Darkness the emptiness grows
in a girl so broken in her eyes the pa i n shows
smiling mask worn so others cannot see.
Im messed up .damaged inside and lost as one can be
I've asked the lord for guidance so many times
but there has been no reply there's been no signs
Its built up inside for days months years I'm drowning in an over flow of Silent Tears ..
I'm aching,I'm dying is my heart in my chest why won't this feeling subside why can't I feel like the rest
day after day I'm still searching for a way that I can free
myself from this darkness that has entrapped me
But then when I'm starting to build strength to try again
U spit ur cold versus n I'm overpowered by the pain
So back to the darkness holding my tear stained pillow tight
I do apologise to those I love Coz I think I am officially all out of fight !!!!!
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Comments
Wow SILENTCRY!!......what a strong début piece here...... perfect for your name!!....... With a VERY strong sense of rhythm and timing this would make a good song.......I think it would be even more powerful if it were formatted a little differently....... You can feel the pain and the struggle within the loneliness throughout this write ~
~ "I'm aching, I'm dying, is my heart in my chest
Why won't this feeling subside
Why can't I feel like the rest......"
You've strung together some VERY powerful phrasing that moves the reader.......ALL STARS!!....... well done dear poet sister...... and......WELCOME to COSMO!!.......LOVE & ROCKETS!!.......T xo. : )
Thanks I was unsure bout posting any of my writing because so many poets on this site are so good I wasn't sure if my writing was at their standard .... I have many poems in fact on this same site years ago I published a very personal poem it's called reaching out by Celeste Anne Giles ... publishing that poem years ago actually helped me to break free n live a better life for myself and my son but I have a lot of bottled emotions from those dark times that I put into a lot of what I write so thanks for the comment it's comforting to see someone liked it ...
Good poem.
I could feel such deep turmoil within the lines of your poem. It sounds very narrative in style, which is great!
You tell a story that is sad, yet there is a feeling of hope toward the end. When you mention your family. Sometimes, the best achievement in creative writing is about the courage to share your thoughts, dreams and ideas with others. You have successfully done that. Each poem is unique to the person, their personal experiences, whether writing metered verse, or freestyle, they all come from a much deeper place.
Favorite lines:
In a Place of Darkness the emptiness grows
in a girl so broken in her eyes the pa i n shows
I enjoyed reading your poem very much and would like to read more.
You done a great job here. Thank you for sharing apart of yourself with all of us.
Happy holidays from Ohio
What you may want to consider revising:
A little formatting and light editing may be needed. However, you are the creative writer. It’s always up to the author when making changes.
Great debut poem I would to see more of you so keep them coming ?
Delmayne