The Candle

The candle light dances in the breeze.
It's calm and peaceful, feeling at ease!
Moments of sadness I can see.
Whilst looking at the candle; is this truly me?
The flame, shielded by the glass.
As to shelter it,
how long will it last?
Do I lead such an existence?
Am I lacking it's brilliance and  persistence?
Do I emotionalize amonst it's luminescence?
Do I find haven among
its presence?
Questioning, wondering,
needing to know;
Solitude within its glow.
I wish to resonate its fight.
Against the winds that come to extinguish it's light.
I constantly stop myself.
Putting thoughts and emotions on a shelf.
I project anger and frustration
to those around.
In my words, I expound.
This is the only way; thoughts are released.
Helping me; indignation decreased.
I cannot verbalize.
I always externalize.
Making what is not real appear.
To the flame I wish to give my fear.
I ask for knowledge and understanding.
My own being withstanding,
everything that is set before me! Allowing myself to be free.
The flame ignites.
Screaming to remove my plights.
Have I reason to find concern?
In this life I yearn;
For balance; physical and emotional and psychological.
To discern what is illogical.
To again be who I was.
A fighter, strong with just cause.
Not this weak shell I have become.
A new year, a new life has begun.
As the flame I will push through.
I will stand up and construe,
what is false and what is true.
I will no longer bemoan
the unknown.
I will begin to trust what it is I am shown.
A new life arises.
Full of laughter, happiness and surprises.
The person I used to be.
Before afflicted with disease.
This shan't come with ease.
But know this;
I will no longer remiss.
I am Manon Peel.
Changes soon to come,
and this time....for real.