The darkness lurks

Feelings I'm testifing, long messages I'm sending, annoying friends is becoming a growing trend, I remember when I was younger, a zest for life I had hunger, now I've become a misery monger, all day I would play, climb up on bails of hay, bask in the sun's rays, try and understand, writing these words is how I fight, cause I can't keep bottling up all this shite, people thought when I stopped drinking, some how it would help my thinking, better I'd be feeling, the pubs are closed, a problem for me this posed, cause when I'm having  the craic, I feel like I'm back on track, all day these places I like to stay, I'm happy at least for today, praying doesn't work, I'm sitting in the house going berserk, in my heart the darkness lurks, on my soul the demons go to work, I must of been blind to think in this world I could shine, is it too much to ask, just to be feeling fine and have some peace of mind, my rymhes are full of pain, but no one do I blame, I make a stand against enemies I don't have, hope you understand, my illness makes me think this way, in my mind they gossip, I don't know how to stop it, the medication doesn't work, I still go berserk, these voices I hear fill me full of fear, I can hear them so clear, they fill me full of mistrust, once again my mental health has gone burst, mental illness makes my reality suck, wish i didn't give a fuck , every day I feel like giving up, just want to go to the pub and get fucked up, find myself in a dark room, cans of beer, listening to sad tunes, life is lying in ruins