The day Anxiety ruled my life

All these words keep spinning around in my head,
Every single move that I made,
Every word that has left my lip,
And entered the world,
I stare into space,
The world around me become a blur,
I dare not think,
I dare not speak,
I dare not breath,
In fear that my panic will come out,
Exposing me to everyone,
That people will see me helpless,
Over something so small to them,
But they will never understand,
I'm not easy to fix,
They can't throw words at me,
So I stay in silence,
Pretending that life is ok,
Putting up a mask to cover my sadness,
and shields me from the world,
From the comments,
And the looks,
That will start the thoughts,  
That start a continuous cycle,
That leads me to suffer once again in silence,
Hoping that one day someone will notice my pain,
But that day hasn’t come yet,
So I let my panic grow,
I let the thoughts take over life,
My heart starts to beat faster,
My throat closes up so that air can't enter,
My stomach becomes a pit filled with uncertainty,
As I play the scene over and over in my head in hope I missed something,
Something that I shouldn’t of done,
Or have said,
But also for something that will make it ok,
Something to stop these emotions,
That will let me breath easy,
That will slow my heart,
That will let me rest easy at night rather then staying awake,
Thinking about all that it could have been,
Something that will make it bearable to go back to the place that caused me so much pain,
Something to stop to noise in my head,
Which swirls and consumes every part of my brain,
The thoughts that I can never let go of,
The noise that can't be silent,
The noise of fear,
The noise of pain,
The noise of pure panic,
The noise that I can never turn off,
So I hold onto them for dear life,
Hoping to make sense of them,
But no matter how hard I try,
The noise that is constantly booming in my head,
In my ears,
That gives me a headache,
That causes me to loose sleep,
That makes me feel isolated from the world,
I don't know what to do with these thoughts,
How to process then,
How to get rid of them,
So I store them till my next fearful moment,
Where they will be dragged to the surface,
To cause pain and fear once more,
When I will once again suffer alone,
But I will still hold onto hope that someone will notice,  
Where they can take over my brain again,
Where I dare not think,
Where I dare not speak,
Where I dare not breath,
In fear they will start the war again.