the deer meets the headlights

Last night I got mad at myself
for my heart beating
a little too fast
when you hinted at a future
in which we're still an us.
It's still such a natural reaction.
Maybe I just don't trust myself.
Maybe I just don't want to ruin this.
(I have no wish to resemble
a ball and chain,
or propose an ending
you want no part in
and watch you run.)
Maybe I just can't afford
to get my hopes up again.
If you entertain the idea,
I'm sorry if I don't sound
as enthused as a girl like me
should.
I could see myself happy
in a future like that,
believe me,
and that's the very reason
why I can't let my heart wander
into it.
I don't trust it knows its way yet.

If it happens to end up
being the future you desire,
and if we're still an us
by the time you figure that out,
I will walk with you into it.
Just forgive me
if I close my eyes.