THE HOSPITAL TWIT CLUB!!

1 She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband says she was hot in bed last night!

2 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized!

3 Since she can`t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up doctor!!

4 The patient has complained of being depressed since she began seeing me in 1993!

5 Discharge status: Alive but without my permission!

6 Healthy appearing 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful!

7 The patient refused autopsy!

8 This patient has no previous history of suicides!

9 Patient left his white blood cells at the clinic!

10 Patients medical history has been remarkably insignificant with a 40lb weight gain in 3 days!

11 Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch!

12 On the second day the patients knee was better, on the third day it disappeared!!

13 While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home!

14 The patient has occasional, constant, infrequent headaches!

15 She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce!

16 The patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities!

17 I saw your patient today and she is still under our car for physiotherapy!

18 Patient complains of chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year!

19 The patient complains of being numb from her toes down!

20 Nurse! Are my testicles black?

The nurse lifted the patients sheet and turned both testicles around several times and said " No sir they seem to be both of normal colour and size! "

The patient who was now in severe pain, asked again! " Thank you, that was very kind of you, but I said are my test results back?!! "

G xx