The Light No Longer Reaches My Soul

The light no longer reaches my soul. Although it tries to penetrate the thick cloud of fog surrounding my brain, although it tries to pull itself through the dark shadow that I am forever being followed by, the light no longer reaches my soul. That sweet sound of laughter that used to exist in me is gone. It has been taken by the shadows and ripped apart by the darkness. I try to listen for it but it never comes. All I hear is the deafening ringing of silence in my ears. The light no longer reaches my soul. I stare back at my reflection in the mirror. A lifeless ghost of a person stares back at me. Her eyes are blank and tired. She is drained by the shadows, and scraped down to the core by the darkness. The light no longer reaches my soul. I try my best to find that person that I once knew. I dive down into my memories looking for the time when it started to go wrong. Wondering what happened to that girl that I used to know. The light no longer reaches my soul. There is so much effort needed to do things in this place they call the world. I force myself to drag my eyes around the bathroom. I slowly begin to open my hand out and I turn the palm up to face me. The more it opens, the more it shakes until my hand is flat and vibrating like a puddle, when there is a stone thrown into it. The light no longer reaches my soul. The silent movie of my life begins to play behind my eyelids. Everything starts off in colour. In bright, playful and exciting colour. But once I look at the frame it fades to the pale grey that I have come to know as normal. All around me are people. They all seem familiar but their faces are blank and tired. Just like mine. The light no longer reaches my soul. I have lost the battle to the darkness and the shadows. They tore into my body, flooding my veins with nothing but pain and sorrow. I am forever a prisoner to the darkness. Its invisible chains bind me to the shadows. It tortures me in day and night. Every moment I spend awake it drains me a little more. The light no longer reaches my soul. There is a demon within me now. It is me, as I am it. We are one being. Existing side by side for so long, I learned of its intentions to take over my soul. I am no longer me. It is me. The light no longer reaches my soul. It dragged me away from everyone I used to love and care about. Now I don't feel anything. They still stare and whisper about me but I no longer care. Why should I care about anything when there is nothing that matters. Not really anyway. Nothing will last forever. Everything has to end. Some things just end before others. As I said, the light no longer reaches my soul.

-Little Red Dancer December 2018