The Medicine Lied

I have such hazy memories of my sight,

Oh so long ago.

The hidden beauty of nature has eluded me for years far too long,

Distant pictures of a free summers day.

I did feel the warmth of love didn’t I?

I’m sure people laughed back then.

Soon the rain came,

So hard and cold,

It hasn’t stopped yet.

Hate hurts, the only thing this anaesthetic doesn’t numb.

I have been blind for so long now it hurts to even try to see again.

I hear whispers of a cure for this affliction but it costs me more than I can afford,

Only whispers mind.

As numb as I don’t feel I must realise I am lucky to have found this medicine.

The dark recesses of my mind hold fragments of something, someone better.

Alone and desolate,

The only hope is my sweet and loyal friend.

Shall I now dispose of her like I have done to so many others?

So hard, she has been so loyal, gone through everything with me and not once did she leave my side,

Our love is all that keeps us strong, so she tells me.

Whispers turn into screams,

I feel something take my hand,

Something warm and gentle.

I feel like a child wrapped in my mother’s arms,

Safe and innocent.

My arrogance melts and I now feel small for the first time but so special.

I remember now.

It is so very clear.

This is about how addiction left me feeling nothing but hatred.  Deep down I knew there was a time when things were better, when I was better.   I always knew there was the option to get clean.  This option however seemed not only unreachable but not quite necessary.  I liken the drugs to a sweet and loyal woman.  I chose the likeness to be female as there was a strong almost sexual relationship between myself and the drugs.  I felt lucky to have drugs to help me through the hell I called life.  The irony was the drugs created the hell then made me feel like they were in fact the cure.  As my addiction progressed my health, my relationships and my mental state suffered more and more.  Still to this day I don’t know what it was that helped me.  All I know is that I will be forever grateful.