The Mistakes I Made

Looking back I can see, how it all must have looked from your eyes.
The true nature of my actions, my words and my lies.
I admit there was something wrong in my mind
And it's only now I can see all the signs. 
I broke myself for you, I made myself small,
I tried to be what you wanted, I gave you my all.

But it didn't matter what I did, what you wanted wasn't me, 
I should have given up, and set myself free
But instead I kept smiling, "I'm fine," I lied.
I don't hold it against you, how you cast me aside,
But you see, when I finally gave up hope,
Life overwhelmed me and I could not cope.

I shut myself in, and everything out,
left alone with my mind, self-pity and doubt.
Like rot in my brain and decay in my heart,
It ate away at my passion, and my strength fell apart.
Forgive me if I blamed you, it wasn't your fault,
But I was bitter and tired, and blame is my default.

Then came guilt, a tsunami of shame,
When I realized that I was the one to blame.
In my selfish need I had broken our connection,
Wanting more than I deserved of intimacy and affection.
And here I stand, without you by my side,
With a broken heart and wounded pride.