The nihilist

This poem is meant to perfectly depict the emotions that a nihilist goes through, the thoughts that such an individual would have about the different aspects of his/her life, the recurring internal controversy that exists within his/her core as well as his/her most ascending and most calm phases. So please, if you feel offended, remember that in order to fulfill its purpose this poem had to be this way. An artist is not always supposed to produce beauty.

I used to dream about reaching the horizon far, far away from my reach.
Now my horizon is covered with the dried out limbs of those who left and never came back.
And the blood within years was vaporized, sorry for the cruel sight but the truth is what I preach.
And here I come to deliver. To keep up with my inexistent faith and strong mind, as you enter leave your beliefs that I misprize on the designated rack.
 
 
I was a dreamer just like you and now I am whatever my intuition decides for me to be.
There is nothing that I can lose but if I could I would push my heart to full throttle while facing a colossal God with a high chance of loss.
Careless I roam, I would open to you the gates of my dome but another living organism destined to rot is what you are to me.
And pardon me for I have lost the tact, in my constant smoking and drinking I see the slow death of a hope that science would someday let me cross.
 
 
Do you believe that it can be saved, the human beast, if it was among someone’s capacities?
Someone up there, as you would describe, someone saint enough to tolerate your, our monstrosity.
Someone who, acknowledging the consequences, would put us in the same place as trees.
I looked up there, for I was so desperate and curious, and what I have found is countless reasons for us to stop believing that we are the universe’s dynasty.
 
 
I am intrigued by my ability to still feel and to get attached, I can even speak in the name of love!
To feel, it makes me feel feeble, for sticking to my human nature despite knowing the bitter sooth.
For an insignificant amount of irrelevant time I can be anything and yet here I am, unable to transcend but is that still possible if there is no above?
I feel feeble, when admitting the fact that even after staring at the void, hugging my mother or my lover, my nerves it still can soothe.
 
 
As a matter of fact, why am I writing this and telling you about my meaningless life?
And why do I still repent for knowing the truth, and come back to feeling human and well-alive?
How long will it last, this recurring game of hide and seek between who I really am and the mammal that I should be, desperately trying to win the strife?
I can hear it call, in the name of the hive consciousness that controls it and that feels like a tumor to me:” reproduce and then go die, and if you are to breed further please then would you thrive?”
 
 
I would have been angered if I had a bet in this game,
but the final outcome remains unchanged, and sexual intercourse is far from being undesired.
However dear species if you seek immortality through our genitals here is a reminder that eternity you still cannot claim,
 Because just like you, the stone you are living on is damned, for the burning star a bit far from it will eventually explode and giant fireworks will be fired, crying:” neighboring planets, your subscription to this galaxy has expired.”
 
 
I am sorry for the cruel sight once again and please folks, do remember constantly
that a human even though it is timed is a great thing to be, and that it is such an unvalued lux to feel.
Now I am saying farewell as I try to gather as much as I can from my shattered humanity,
While keeping my faith in a miracle-creating science or in a shy god for which I would gladly kneel.
 
                Life is good and if a nihilist says so, then it has to be true.