The Real World

The reality of my mentality is that no one is there for me
See, 
You can't expect me to be the same girl you've dreamed of me becoming since I entered this universe
I thought this warning was universal
I was brought here with an absentee parent
So, excuse me while my mind discovers new ways to fill the hole
I've been trying to place a square piece into a circular hole, yet I don't understand why the object won't hold
The reality of my mentality, is that I'm falling off of a cliff that I don't remember climbing
I've been stalling to get to the next section of my life
Yet, I can't understand why the clock moves faster than my heart can beat
I just want to beat this level
So that I feel accomplished
The awards seem to open a door that I wish would open on it's own
The reality of my mentality is that I hope I won't have to do this on my own 
I want to talk to you, but when you cross my mind, I forget how to work a phone
So, when I tell you that my phone is out of service
 I want to tell you that my tongue slips to the back of my throat when I think of you
All I can see is blue
But I still miss you
The reality of my mentality is that you don't care for me
I blame my anxiety on you like your heart is a tree for the toxins in my mind
I turn a blind eye to you just so I won't have to see my fears manifest into reality 
See, I assume what your heart is thinking
Just to see my sinking
On the outside, I'm blinking
Honestly, I'm just thinking
Thinking about why you even think to say we're falling for each other just the same
If I can look up and see you crawling
I'm tired of your presence bombing my heart
While I'm left wondering, if I've even left a mark on yours
The reality of my mentality is that you're tired of my antics
I love to say that no one is there for me
Yet, when I fell I had so many drop their load to help me
The reality is that I don't want any of you to leave me
I want to invite you in, but the yard is messy, so you probably don't want to see inside
If I open the door for you, please listen to the reasons why the trash is a blessing
All I ask is that you remind me to be welcoming in my home
You have to remind me to clean my glasses so that I'm not  staring at the raindrops the entire time
So, I can understand that the world isn't crashing down
That I didn't sign my life away for constant torture with a seal on the envelope
I'll finally have a chance to live
In the real world