Time Again

Time and time again, I never know when my body will be free, it's not up to me.
I wish it was, because if I had my way there would come a day that the abuse would end, maybe if someone could lend me a hand to pull me out of this quicksand.
As I sink deep into the abyss I think this situation is really rude and crude but not on my part.
If I knew where to start taking control, as I fell in the hole or a snake pit, where I sit staring at the landscape and yes, I feel like it is rape.
A repetition that is ongoing always knowing that within this merry go round, I have found a certain type of peace that seems to increase as long as I am not deceased. 
The best thing is that I am alive and I strive for wellness, to assess my situation with a new pair of glasses and not to please the masses but for me it's plain to see.