On Top of The World

On Top Of The World         

By Mordy Kai

I used to think when I turned 18 answers would come to me…..Then I turned 19…..I thought books would lead me to the answers no one could give to me…..I’m still the little boy that was loved by his mother…..And the same boy who saw her destroyed by her only love….

I felt so helpless…..If only I could move….He was just a few feet away from me….and from ending her life…..

When she turned to me and said “RUN!”…. While his hands were around her neck…back against the wall…Just a few feet away from me…..

That little boy still exists in me….

I ran and asked them to please help….. sure she would die….and I would be the reason why….sitting across the street listening to the cries….and of glass breaking on his head….If only I could move….

I lost my way that day and a part of me is still lost today…..

I am the strong and confident dad….and the little boy that was so sad…..

I am proud and feel responsible for everything bad at the same time…still the little boy who lost his way…

I am loved by my wife and beautiful, confident little girl…They are everything in this world to me….

And I wait for the day I’ll destroy it all….But I won’t….But I feel I will….That little boy on top of the world….and the man who loves him but is fearful that he is the cause of everything that goes wrong….

I am loved and that is the man I am….

I write and I cry…transported to a different place and time…when the little boy lost his way….

But that is not today….today I wake my beautiful precious little girl for school…and our cat comes in to help and make bread on her blanket as she sleeps with a smile on her face….

She tells me about her dream…that owls were living in our backyard and a little one called out to her….. The little girl on top of the world….She is everything in this world to me…

And I wait for the day I’ll destroy everything….But I won’t but I feel I will…..That little boy on top of the world….

My wife blow dries her hair and prepares for the day…. The best mom who overcame her fear….of being a mother….and raised a beautiful confident girl….

                        The beautiful woman on top of the world…..

My brothers and sisters were not around…I was all alone and paralyzed…..If only I was stronger….but if I try to help I will be gone….he would not think twice about ending me…..alcohol and rage in his eyes….he hated me….One too many kids is what I see….

But that is not today….I wake up and there you are…you give me backle and I know everything is alright….

The old man on top of the world…..