Triggers
The worst part of being sober is the sleepless nights
Thinking about the good thinking about the fights
The worst part of being sober
Is rembering all I kept tucked away
Fuck going to class I don’t want to talk about my past ever everrrrr again
The worst part of being sober is when you cry yourself to sleep
Working all the time doubles 7 days a week
Body tired but my mind won’t stop
Being sober woke up demons
I thought I forgot
The best thing about pa and the job I do
Is when these demons bother me rutters don’t sell beer past two
So even if I thought or ever felt the need
The world works with me
But my mind makes my heart bleedÂ
I feel great or am I pretending
Cus alone is when I spiralÂ
No medication can stop the painÂ
From when your not loved inside you
29 years old I still sleep far from the door
I rember when I was raped
And no one said a word
My mom said get over it
And then I had a kid
I wasn’t even ready
But my mom said I’d loose my family if I did
The things I knew was right
Just to have love
I’m not fucking crazy or a drunk
I just need a fucking hugÂ
Raised my siblings on my own
Made it to my senior year
Was too tired from working two jobsÂ
So at 17 I lost my career
29 a server at cheddars
Always wishing for something better
I’m such a fucking looserÂ
I shoulda did things much better
But love is my addiction
Love is my painÂ
Love is what drives fucking insane
Love is what I crave but love is a feeling I don’t know
Now I’m stuck In this lifeÂ
Wishing that love will show
Â
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Comments
Your job doesn’t define you, your feelings towards yourself can… My biological father was 24 when he got my 16 year old mom pregnant. My grandpa threatened to turn him in for statutory rape if he tried to be in my life. I remember being a kid and hearing adults talk about it and thinking,,, im the product of rape? It wasn’t until I was an adult that I fully understood things. Im not saying it makes it any better, my mom admits she lied about her age,,, I can’t help but think he should’ve known better. Im sorry you have endured so much pain. They say “ what doesn’t kill is will only make us stronger” I call bullshit!Â
We can blame the past and the pain or we can grasp the past and pain. Our past can motivate us or it can forever haunt us… I have recently given up all vices and quit cold turkey,,, not easy and you have already been successful at getting your sobriety,,, that’s HUGE!Â
Don’t be so hard on yourself, we receive what we seek,,, you’re not a loser, your poetry reeks of someone who cares and is working hard to make changes and acknowledges there’s room for growth!
Thats 60% of the battle.
Your bravery to pen this and share is also very admirable.
xRobÂ