Trying to Understand

 I started reading the Quran today.
With all the fighting, hate and ugliness in the world, I feel the need for something to make me feel closer to others. Something that will bring my heart within understanding of what I am witnessing. To me it seems evil has surrounded me and is in the hearts of all. I need some sort of light in this darkness all around me. Perhaps my faith is being challenged. It's not only that I see evil, I feel it creeping ever so slowly, hardening my heart. I find myself wanting to close my eyes and plug my ears. I shed tears and feel pain that is not my own. Maybe it is love or hate, maybe it is fear. All I know is it is me building a wall between me and everyone else including my creator. I've experienced it several times in my life wanting to blame god or the devil. Thinking if it was the devil then he was sent by God. Maybe but with a purpose if so. As darkness covers it also proceeds inside. I know light, I know it's in my heart, it's in my faith and in everyone. I don't want to loose my way, loose myself or sacrifice myself. So I might be grasping at understanding, sinking while struggling to rise. I want to learn, hope, believe, teach and live for all my self which is everyone. I want to trust and love My brothers and sisters, blood or not, and my children, and my children that are not of me.