Uncertain Words

I don't know what to write,
So I'll say some words and hope they flow;
I'm lonely, if I'm to be honest, more than you know
And I hardly let it show; I'm twenty-one
And I don't feel so grown.
It's hard being lonely when you're not alone.
Sometimes I miss my mother
And I'd wish she had raised me a brother;
Often I wish for my father so he could push me farther
But that never happened, So I sit in a quiet little room
Wishing High School hadn't passed so soon.
It's alright - It's not so scary being twenty one
When I know I did what I had to do.
I want to cry often yet the tears never come
And just for good fun I imagine how it feels to feel the tears flow,
In rhythm with the ticking of the years,
Synchronized, symphonized, harmonizing with my fears-
It's hard to feel when you're trying to heal
And seal those memories deep within mountains,
Drown them deep within fountains across tired landscapes;
Away, away,
I'd like to run away.

I don't always understand what I write
And eventually the words will stop flowing, perhaps even lose meaning.
I can at least siphon these feelings into something worth having
While healing;
I'd rather not feed this beast;
There's no feast to appease its needs.
I know my name is one thing to be true,
So among these uncertain words is a solid thank you;
For now, I'm through.