Unravelling your hand

Its still dark and my eyes are aching for sleep
But I can't close my eyes
Your small body peaceful beside me
I pull myself against you and hold your hand
I made you
I feel each finger and each knuckle 
What is my purpose
To love every molecule of your being 
Too much
Then let you go
My eyes fill to the brim, salt water escaping my lashes
The early days of feeding, changing then again on repeat
The toddling years of first words and bumped knees 
Now the school years
Only one year into this new stage and I can feel my fingers trying so desperately to cling on
But yours are already unravelling
And as I write those words a single tear journeys down my cheek
I want to stay here forever
But you don't
It's time for me to take a breath and take the tiniest step back
My love, my everything, my child