unstoppable war

Feeling out of control... In one moment I'm up raging, my nerves are all endorphined..Then in just a second my mood it drops, and I'm consumed with depression.         This fight is a hard one, a battle at most times I know I cannot win.  I'm praying for just an ounce of peace because hectic is all my life has ever been....my hands got all clamy and my body began to shake.....I'm trembling and I'm rocking, cold but yet I sweat..... The war inside has just began and Im already about to break.              I can feel my heart beat pounding in my head and I try and try yet control I can't get......My breath now short and quick and I start to hyperventilate....I can relax, I ask please not this agian, this can not be my fate....                                     I'm now so dizzy grasping out for something still, I end up on the floor... My throat feels like it's closing, I choke on my pleads of wanting this to end I want to feel no more...                                           What feels like has been hours I realize was just minutes that has completely wore me out...  This is now habitual, the tears began to pour, and I know I will never no normal, for it iv been forced to doubt.   5-22-17