What Do You See When You Look At Me? I Bet I't Won't Compare To How I Truly Feel.

When you look at me what do you see?

Behind my eyes,  Is a pain so deep, behind my smiles, my makeup, my hair, is a sadness, a fear, tears and thoughts no one sees or hears. Their hidden by my makeup and my fixed hair, and my fake smiles. I fix My make up and my hair to hide my pain to make myself feel like I'm Beautiful to hide how I truly feel from the world.  Sometimes I wonder how many really see behind my Makeup,  my hair, and my fake smiles. My day goes like this I wake up, I cook, I Clean,  I put on my make  up on, fix my hair because without it I feel so ugly and horrid. I'm afraid of the nights,The dark rooms, the dark hallways. I have to turn a light on just to see to feel safe. Scared of person whom only when I hear the name makes me cringe and makes my night's harder to sleep. The slightest noise of the house wakes me up as if I feel as if someone's watching me.The flash backs I used to have of that person but as I got older dissapered unless the name is brought up. It brings all the fears, the worries and yet I don't know why I'm so afraid of this person.

When you see me what do you see?

I bet just looking at me you wouldn't have guessed how I truly feel,  or the nightmares I live everyday. What makes my day pass Is my son who keeps me Busy I wouldn't change that for the world. I now have a heart deseise maybe because I live in constant fears,  worries and sadness. Keeping up with my son tires me So but, how I love chasing him and working hard even though my heart feels as if it would exsplode. I bet just by looking at me and all the things I do,  you would have never guessed the life I live.

When you look into my eyes what do you see?Was it any of these?

Life is precious, life is not always easy or fair. In life you are given many blessing's. My life has been rough but I've been blessed many of time's, my Son, I'm still here and made it this far but, I guess you would have never guessed the life I live and have and  is  hid behind my makeup and hair and the fake smiles.