Who am I?

Who am I?
I look in the mirror and see nobody staring back
Tears threatening to appear but afraid to cry
My core deep, dark, and black
 
Did I fall so hard I can’t rise again?
Sitting, thinking there is no saving
Wondering if I found Him sooner, maybe then
Maybe if sooner, I stopped the way I was behaving
 
It drives me crazy to walk around in numbness
To not know who I am
To always have a feeling of glumness
To forever feel as if I’m damned
 
Who am I?
I desperately seek the answer to this question
The pain it causes I cannot deny
Not knowing this answer has left me in deep depression
 
Or maybe it’s the other way around
And the dark cloud that surrounds me blocks my view
That I always feel like I’m being drowned
Because the depression is not letting me see through
 
My core deep, dark, and black
Tears threatening to appear but afraid to cry
I look in the mirror and see nobody staring back
Who am I?