Why Am I Here

Why Am I Here
17-9-13

I used to think that I had no purpose
In this wide expanse of blue, brown and green floating
In orbit
Around a ball of fire.

There was the thought of a higher being, God,
Who had created me as a joke
Merely for his amusement as he fired down trials
Like Zeus’s lightning bolts;
Obstacles go trudge around
And endless mountains to climb,
While he looked on with his giant bowl of popcorn
Encouraging the angels to ‘come look at this’.

That was why I was here.

I was here to be Depressed, Anxious, Bipolar, have PTSD, PCOS, be abused and lose a baby,
Never mind all the other things that were thrown
Into a dark, dank, dirty path.

That was why I was here.

Depression sits with me
And medication soothes it.
It no longer throws tantrums
But is a toddler napping in the afternoon.
Bipolar dances with me
Or sends me to hide in my blanketed cave,
But it never roars like a dragon
It only squeaks like a puppy.
PTSD, PCOS, Anxiety – all under control.

I can function,
Even through abuse I can function.
Even through losing a baby I can function.

I was created to suffer and then be medicated…
…was I?

My crappy life moulded me,
Skew as I was on that wheel,
Into a special and unique jar that will never
Look like yours.

But it doesn’t have to.

Hindsight can be a bitch
But also a blessing.
Looking back I can see experiences and circumstances
Shaping me into who I am today;
Telling me just why I am here.
I am here to be
A shoulder to lean on when Depression hits you hard,
A hand to pull you up when you cannot get out of the hole yourself,
The sleeves to wipe your snot on when you cry,
That hug you need but were afraid to ask for.