Why now

please stop saying my name,
they can hear you
I died cuz of you
40 years I chased you
and not one cheer”
for me to lay All These Tears”
on all this fear that's here.
please i died to let go”
I don't know how many
if any
more times I can crawl out
of the ground for you
I'm tired
they're turning the soil
that surrounds me
in  liquid coil
Making life into turmoil
keeping me more and more
slicing me with pressure of nonsense
why call me now
I died so you can live"
I didn't die so I can live"
you're chasing and I have no flesh"
let me rest'
when I leave then Beast laugh at me,
shouts of cancer"
I see crushing midgets"
In Shadow costumes,
swerving like clowns,
larger than towns"
clowning me
butchering me
that it's useless'
meaningless to try"
hopeless they all tried it.  
It's insane”
I'm not different than they”
there right”
this is my home”
hell” with all then” but alone” but home “
i can't no more
there mad.
Here there's no special”
having me chasing pleasure”
in hell.
Is not to find treasure”
is to see that here it doesn't exist”
it's good..
So No one here entitled to it.
Not Lucifer
not me
or death itself.  
now leave and never try to bring life in wat you saw as dead."