Wondering

I kept waking in the mid of the night hoping I will see her
I kept touching the other side of bed, where she use to find comfort
I felt nothing but the cold 
I would wake and look around hoping maybe she went to the loo
Then I would remember that she left a letter saying she is tired of my nonsense
I end up asking myself where I went wrong 
Find myself in mix motions 
Not being sure if I was wrong or is she the one wrong to me
I then remember her words when she said she will never leave me, when we were at honeymoon stage. 
I would remember holding her tight with tears in her eyes 
She would say with pride I love you 
She would hold me very tight cuddle 
I would say proudly “I have a wife in this one”
She would say “I wish we pray that no one come between us”
She would with no issues find herself in my arms always
Now I search for her in the mid off night 
Now I ask myself then remember a goodbye letter she left 
Now I ask myself what happened to all her promise and tears
Now I get to cuddle the pillow 
The pillar to my strength left a letter while I was at work
I came to see her staff and herself gone
The only thing left was a letter to say she can’t take it anymore
I am left swimming in dreams and chats that were never meant 
I am left trying to hold on to thoughts 
I am left with words you will find someone for you not me
Wondering if she really meant those tears she shared of never leaving me
I am left empty

Umhlaziyi Ozimele
Sandile Mngadi