Working for the unknown

I wait and wonder through shuffling pauses for lifes ultimate secret to be revealed. Christmas when I was 10, puberty at 14, love at 19, dissolving love at 26. Now i sit and wait at 40 for lifes next uncovering. What will it be as I sit and ponder. Will it be something I work hard for or will it be as easy as eating a slice of pie given joyfully at grandma's on sunday. I will never know as life is unfair but I do have some things on my side I think. I have my health, freedom, personality, wisdom, and thoughtfulness, and longing. Is it enough to fulfill my natural way of wanting things as we do for lifes beautiful song to be continually created. Or will it take me on a path where I'm on a turn table skipping on a part of a song where you cant quite make out. Or will I skip for only awhile to finally have the screeching come to an abrupt halt for a new song to be put on that is lovely and never ending. These are all things I ponder before I set unto the days offering. Will it bring me joy and new progression to forget or   continual woe to harbor unforgiving pain. Each day I want my sorrow to turn into joy and smile instead of frown and puzzlement. And so I set out with a plan for how the day will fundamentally be cast but not how much beauty I will see. For it is this beauty and joy that we all ultimately seek but do not know how it will manifest itself. Could it be in waves or will it be subtle? It's all up to me fundamentally to strive for but never to expect. I have to ride the journey out in hopes that my vision of what love is will be uncovered in all its splendor with God's hand holding me. He will take me i believe and show me a course to make things beautiful again and bestow upon me beauty that will be mine. Which way and direction will he give me. I will clear the path but I need his hand to guide.