Worthless

Worthless                      
Lonely
Misunderstood
Wishing this pain of self-corruption
Would disappear…
 
This of pain of mine
Never goes –
It’s like a lion –
Watching and ready pounce
On its next victim,
Its next path of disruption –
Stays in the background
Conspiring
Until the bomb of survival
Explodes in its head and
Destroys that poor creation of
Mother nature’s life –
Nobody understands it,
Only the ones with the PHDs.
 
The intense heart-shattering outbursts
Makes the chance of survival
Become impossible and
Makes everything become dark and sinful.
 
The pain fades away but that’s after the
Corruptive, toxic damage has been done;
Leaving me to the point of craziness
Which, for me, is the only thing that
Keeps me ‘sane’ –
Until the pain strikes again –
The lion has found his new prey –
A differed mindset
But
The same problems with a twist occur.
 
The key to survival is to never show
Weakness,
So that people don’t use it to
Manipulate you…
 
So I put on a disguise and fade back into
The reality of normality,
Others can see the pain in my mind
But when I try to open up –
 
Snap!
 
The lion grabs me and
Drowns me with agonizing tears that is
So toxic, so painful
To even explain,
Still nobody knows, nobody suspects
Despite the fact that I drop hints that
Would make anyone be inquisitive –
 
I’m hoping someone will be the dolphin
To save me
In a shark attack of
Memories and intense
Emotions
But nobody latches on
Everyone is too busy
Gallivanting
To care,
To read the hints clearly shown
Through
The sadness in my eyes
And the blank, lifeless expression
Upon my face
 As the world passes by
And ignores me,
 
It’s a cycle –
A new day a new victim –
Or for me
A tortuous pain
That starts and stops
Whenever it pleases
Leaving me with
No energy, no strength –
 
It leaves me
Being left
Isolated and helpless
Which reminds me that –
 
My self-worth is not important –
It’s non-existent,
That I’m struggling on my own
As nobody cares,
That nobody understands me
Or my situation –
 
It’s a viscous circle of being
Worthless,
Lonely,
Misunderstood