You've Got Mail

Was I the last to cross his mind?
Is that a blessing or a burden?
Search for someone l won't find
He's gone, know that is certain

He knew each piece of all of me 
Every part, met all my demons 
"My other" only he could be 
For, oh so many reasons 

Helped me believe my beautiful
And pointed out my ugly 
And neither ever had control
Now "what if" will always bug me

And only I could talk him down 
Give some sense once he got going
My voice was his familiar sound 
Kept calm while tensions growing

Now my forever person's gone 
And his forever waiting 
Still feels as though it's not  been long 
Since we first started dating

The attraction, simply irresistible
Could no longer be ignored 
Our unity, so far from typical 
Avoiding more than hearts could afford 

Taken from us, all my needs in despite 
That evil that I so despise
Who the fuck gave it the right
To decide such an early demise

Should have never let him go 
Last time he was in reach 
What "would be", now I'll never know 
Some lessons they can't teach 

Thinking, should have just gave in 
When we would disagree 
The fights were never worth the win
In hind sight I can see 

No question, I'd better appreciate 
All his love, care, even his worry
Think of it now but it's just too late 
Only wish I'd known I should hurry

I'd punctuate all of my thank yous 
And lengthen those dreaded goodbyes 
Know I'd never turn and refuse 
A chance just to look in his eyes 

Take back all the times I walked away 
And erase every moment spent crying
Love him every minute of everyday
never give up without at least trying

I figured that day had endured enough anger
Weren't able to see eye to eye
Didn't know at that time his life was in danger 
Didn't think about saying goodbye 

49 messages undiscovered 
My phone gave me the alert
But yesterday still hadn't recovered 
I was still feeling so hurt 

So I didn't give it a second take 
Thought it'd just be the same old spiel 
When I heard, thought the news must be fake
But sadly found out it was real

My world was changed forever
My heart flew from my chest 
Always pictured us together 
But now that future's messed

The choke of devastation 
Tell my stunned lungs to inhale
No answers, empty explanation
What will life without him entail

Was weeks before I even peeked 
Couldn't bring myself to see
Thought of it had me real freaked 
 What were his last words to me?

So much of what I expected
And some you could never for see
Just asked parenthood be respected
Just asked to recover old me

Wish I'd thanked him for putting her needs ahead
Her happiness was first on his list
Can't muscle up strength to tell her he's dead
Cause I know just how much he'll be missed

....To be continued....

                    -Ashley McRitchie