11 rings of marriage

Well there is the marriage ceremony
Then the breakdown and then alimony
That is the beginning and the end
You write down the creamy white center but you never send
Years later you fine the Box and close your eyes think back then yell
11 rings of marriage total hell
You didn’t start off bad
You met at a bar you took her home to your pad
Next morning you were still going
And she was still moaning
Then she began screaming
I am keeping you
You had some great times when you only wore one shoe
You popped the question and the answer was yes and another scream
Next day you took the girl of your dreams
To the jewelers to get first ring
Everybody knows that is engagement ring
The next Ring starts almost immediately and that’s the order ring
You know how much you can afford There She Goes honey
If you get this one I'll make sure we have more fun tonight but it will cost you a more money
That's just the beginning of the ordering
She takes complete charge of the wedding
She treats people very mean and  being rude like the bitch  from hell
She isn’t listening she's always talking on that cell
There's no more sex the words I'm too busy come out
So you go find a place and pout
Well that's that the wedding ring is the third ring and it is here today
You can't wait to say I do and get on the plane so you can go to the hotel and play
In the last 3 months she has been saying that she’s too tired or too busy
You say I do and you get on the plane but then you become dizzy
Everything around you becomes really fizzy
You wake up the next day at the hospital and your eyes open and you ring a bell
And there she is right in front of you still talking on the cell
She sees your eyes open and runs to you and yells oh my dear
She kisses you then cries some more you almost died my worst fear
You turn your head and you see your mom and dad they kind of shake their head
My dad said son it was just appendicitis you weren’t dead
My dad didn't like my wife
He thought that she was a wasted piece of space that did not d Tyler we 5o get toeserve life
You got  better then you finished  your honeymoon
Oh boy you had a great time but wish it was nothing over so soon
You get back home now and you tell yourself everything will get back to normal  you think
You woke up to  a lot of noise and where  is all your furniture and pink
Shit what is  happening  all of a sudden your house just shrinks
You just  forget about the forth Ring endowering she owns comes into your house
Your stuff gets thrown away she said this looks nicer you shake your head but she's your spouse
The next few years seem a blur to you the next two rings also go hand-in-hand
First there is  the laboring you in the garage she comes out yelling stork is coming and you can’t stand
you know the birds the bees and for the next 9 months you’re waiting on her hand and feet
She yells at you and screams at you makes you go get pickles and ice cream and pickled meat
Then the day comes when she says her water broke you go nuts you jump in the car and take off
You're driving down the road to the hospital then realize you forgot your wife
About to turn around when you saw your mother’s car with the wife going to the hospital fuck my life
All of them all the way there you park the car and rush to maternity
Why it’s already hooked up to the Monitor and they told you needed to wait it seemed like an eternity
12 hours later and two shoes that you wore out you had a baby girl
Then you find out after the birth certificate sign that your wife change the baby's name
Your daughter’s name is not Ellen you getting tired of this stupid game
You look at your wife and she smiles at you and thinks you’re lame
Then the fun begins you show everybody you're still the king
You change diapers feed the baby clean the house do everything
Wife just lays in bed says thank you dear you're such a sweetheart hey babe can you also clean that wall
You  continue doing this for the next 3 months while your wife does nothing at all
You’re about to say something to your wife when she comes out of the bathroom yelling stork
Now you have to do ring 6 and 7 at the same time and you keep giving you a wife a spoon instead a fork
Your wife said the water broke you took her to the hospital in time without even going Zoom
Doctor said you had another girl so you stayed inside the delivery room
You're waiting for the paperwork when they kicked you out
But you listened to the doctor but you about ready to shout
When they let you back in the name was Penelope and you sign the form and looked about
Your wife was smiling at you knowing she did it to you again you stupid clown
This is going to stop you're tired of looking like a fool around town
This is part of your marriage and Things become shaky
The Ring of empowering this is where you find out if you’re a Lacky
Or you retake control and then you become the boss
You argue and fight about decisions who is in charge she wins your loss
She throws that three letter word out said it will be closed locked up tight
She laughed and said you ain't getting any if you think you're right
You put up a strong fight three long days and four nights
You threw in the towel and she said you see dear I knew You See It My Way
Now that was one battle you had to win now she controls how to play
Now it's all downhill from here ring eight badgering otherwise known as nagging
You can't do nothing right you can't change the diaper you can't wash dishes and she’s bragging
And the kids here it and they look at you like you’re a fool
The children are four and five and they never come to you for questions they always go up to the stool
Ask Mommy never Daddy this continues on for a whilek
You walk around with your head down you never smile
Now that entering ring number nine despairing
You become so depressed so do you work it’s in big big piles
On your desk the Boss turns  to you you're fired
You don't tell anybody just go to the bar and get wired
While you there at the bar you start talking to lady after a couple weeks
Your resolve is broken down and you take her to a hotel but you don't speak
That ice cream number 10 adultering which leads into the final ring

The Ring of suffering cuz you can live with yourself you told you wife
You thought it was bad before it is worse now fuck my life
She won't even let you play with the kids
She tells all your friends what do heal you are I like she's taking bids
On when she's going to kick you out the door
I like you didn't do nothing wrong but you can't take no more
So after a few months of suffering
You quit you move out start over
She got the lawyer and now your new name is Ben Dover
She got the house thank you count the cars
Making you pay all the  lawyer keys I just gone too far
Whoever said blondes was stupid we're dead wrong
My ex-wife was right all along
I didn’t belong