Anything is Possible

Good Day Everyone,

 I just wanted to take some time here and share my story. This is a story of how a young, mistaken, stereotyped, overlooked, adolescent boy, unknowingly makes some very regrettable decisions and the effects it has on him, as he ages. Then how, after becoming of age and turning into man, he fought back! 

 I was a troubled boy. Actually, I wasn't so much troubled, but rather, a misunderstood boy. Attending grade school through the 80's was difficult, to say the least. A lot has changed since that time and for the better, at least that is my perception. As a boy I was very unfocused, distant and a lot of times out of touch with what was going on around me. The teachers would call me scattered brained, troublesome, unmotivated, a daydreamer, and uncaring. This couldn't have been further from the truth. The reality of it was, I had a mind that would be processing so many thoughts, so quickly, that as a child, I had no idea what was really going on. I had a very hyperactive mind and I was pretty much along for the ride. I mean what else could a kid do? I was never able to focus enough throughout my years of school, and after previously being held back in the fourth grade and then again in the seventh grade, I finally dropped out of school in the ninth grade.

 I sit here now thinking back through my teenage years, which are mostly a blur. I have some significant memories of them, but not as many as I probably should. Not long after dropping out of school, I was introduced to marijuana. Actually, with all honesty, marijuana had a very good soothing effect towards me. It actually seemed to slow down my jumbled up mind, that, or it just masked it, the latter probably being more accurate. Over the next twelve years, I would rely very heavily on this drug, just because it seemed I had found a little piece of normalcy with in it. 
 
 At the age of 17, I met this girl, and OH, how my heart soared, I swiftly fell in love. She was beautiful and perfect, or so I believed, and would be with me forever and ever. Only two years after meeting her, our daughter was born. I was 18 years old at that time. Not long after that, that beautiful girl and I, the one that would be by my side forever, got married. Life was going so good, or so I had thought. However, I was about to learn very quickly that the world isn't merciful, nor are the human beings living on it. 

 Shortly after the wedding, things got rocky in my, "everlasting" marriage. That girl, whom would be there for forever, started to show who she really was, but I, "ever the fool", overlooked all the signs, partially because I was high on pot all the time, and because I was not prepared for what was happening.

 I had been somewhat sheltered as a child, I grew up in a loving home, with loving parents, and showered with love, loyalty, and compassion. I was completely, and utterly, underprepared for what the real world was and when it finally pounced at me, it hit me hard. 

 Over the next five years, I would have two more children with this girl and things were good. Shortly after the marriage I had started working in a paper mill, this was, believe it or not, my very first job. I went to work each day,.... (a swing shift), and she stayed home with the babies. The incident that had occurred shortly after our marriage, had subsided, life was good. Though I never really forgot about it, how could I? To have your wife, companion, lover, and forever run off with one of your best friends, leaving a new born, breast fed, child in her wake, then to not be seen for days, well that you just don't forget. Anyways, though it had hurt me, I overlooked it and stayed. I felt I owed it to my child to at least try. 

 Eight years into the marriage, and three children later, the real world pounced. It was 2005, I was still working at the mill, still doing the swings, still supporting everyone. She, however, became distant, leaving after I got home, then not coming home till the next day. Fights erupting constantly between us, objects being thrown at my head, it was obvious that something was going on. 

 She had an uncontrollable desire, or lust, to feel attracted by other men. Needing the attention of every guy she came in contact with, she set out on her journey, a journey that would ultimately kill the marriage, destroy a family, and change three little innocent children forever. 

 Approximately one year later, we separated, and I filed for divorce, I had had enough. The divorce, to be quite honest, was the hardest, most emotional, most psyche draining circumstance that I had, and still have ever gone through. At its end, I was left beaten, battered, and broke. Depression set in shortly after, and with it, the need for newer, better, and stronger stimulants to ease the fire in my mind.

 I had hit rock bottom. Akin to a bug on the bottom of a boot, I was at the lowest of lows. Constant drinking, drug use, partying every night, this was that low. Like a piece of earth, hiding just under the green grass, I was no different. I had no desire to live anymore, I'm actually quite surprised I did live, now that I think back. Death could have came at any moment and I would have been ok with it. I longed too be released from this prison. My prison of broken dreams, shameful addictions, and overwhelming emotions. Yet, somehow through all of this turmoil and confusion, I managed to keep my job. 

 Sitting, having a beer, at a local bar one day, I was chatting with a friend. I hadn't known them for very long, we had met at that bar actually. While just briefly discussing my life issues, she made a comment to me, one that would stick in my thoughts forever, One that would inevitably change who I was. 

 Almost a year after that conversation, as I sat at home one night, I finally acted on what she spoke. Simply said, she spoke that I showed signs of having ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. There I sat, those words still in my mind, beckoning me, whispering to me, telling me, I finally acted. 

 Over the next week I read everything I could find regarding ADHD and it's symptoms. I was overwhelmed at how accurate this information was towards me. I was amazed, after reading certain blogs and websites, that how much the people in it, sounded like me. This completely dominated my mind, and it would for years to come. When there is hope, there becomes a will to survive, there becomes a will to succeed, and when there is hope, there becomes a will to change. 

 With all this dominating my thoughts, to an entirety, I was at my doctor's within a week. I had an amazing doctor. He was one that would actually hear his patience, he would listen and trust in them. I poured my heart out to him, I kept nothing back. I told him what I thought, and he agreed. Then, on June 23rd, 2008, after 31 years of my life had past, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD.

 I was prescribed Adderall, and I still recall the day I first took it. Imagine that your watching your favorite movie. You're watching this movie on the biggest and strongest TV available. You can hear the sound from it, but you can't make out the picture. The picture is full of lines, static, and it's just impossible to see. That was me, seeing life out my eyes for 31 years. The Adderall changed that, after I started taking it, the picture cleared up, actually, it become amazingly clear. My confidence level soared to heights it had never been to, My motivation increased dramatically as well. 31 years into my life and I finally seen the world like it should be. I also seemed to acquired this unique craving for knowledge, knowledge about everything. For the next 5 years of my life, my nose will be buried in books, on a computer screen, or anywhere else that I can feed my mind this knowledge it now seems to need. 

 It's now February 19th, 2014. It's been over 5 years since I was diagnosed with ADHD, and within those 5 years, I have accomplished some amazing goals. 

 In 2010, I was awarded by the courts, complete custody of my three children. I have complete say over everything they do, and see.

 Over those years I have read untold amounts of books, articles, and any other type of educational material. I have made my intelligence soar, my intellect, and I have gained a very redound vocabulary and communicational ability. 

 I have made significant advances at my work. In those 5 years I have went from an hourly employee making $35,000 a year, to a managerial employee making $90,000 a year. 

 Over those years I have completely grasped control of my life, but more importantly, my mind. The Adderall didn't slow it down, not at all. The Adderall brought it clarity. Such clarity that I can see now. 

 Here I sit, the day dreaming, trouble making, distant, and uncaring boy from the 80's is now a 37 year old man. I am a 9th grade high school drop out, yet I have a keen intelligence and intellect, do to self educating myself. I wake up each day and stare my kids in the eyes. They are with me at all times. Lastly, I am an uneducated 9th grade high school drop out, who currently makes $90,000 a year, a salary that many college grads will never see. 

To those who belittled me, gave up on me, laughed at me, and insulted me, where are you now? You call me uneducated, well, then I call you stupid. I have no high school education, I have no college degree, but I do have an appetite for knowledge, which, with this, I have a stronger mental might then you ever will.