As Father

As Father, I ruled the nest with an iron fist. My wife being the gifty of the two of us, she taught and raise the standard and banner in our home. My wife came with an eight year old child, and marrying a mother already comes with a set of undeniable veritables the faint of heart need not apply for. A little girl who knew who her dad was, and the only child to a single mom. My first thought was to establish who this little girl was in our new family. My approach to family was between four eyes, my wife and my own two and that was it. Not trying to replace her father, but being one to her in every sense of the word. None of that, this is my kids this one is yours. I detested that with every cell in my body. This little girl was mine, and I would go to hell and prove it. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, looking back on what was tried, was too embissious even for me. However, there is nothing I would change in the way I went about raising my children. Three boys and two girls. The two girls eight years apart. It was this factor that I over looked, and one that would cause me darely in the end. Starting with an eight year old and not a baby, meant that all eight pass years of the first child were over looked and equality to me meant treatment for one meant the same for all, and because my second daughter who was my first blood of blood was denied inatvertanly for fear of giving what the oldest never received. It is a strange way for me to see things, but it was true, I didn't want to spend special attention to one without due attention to the other. Yet, what was needed by default would have to be way different due to the special needs they both had. So sacrificing the need of the younger for the older just to make sure she fitted in the whole was a decision I made willingly without thinking about it. Whereas, my boys I could give them without regards because they needed a different set of veritables not offered my girls. The other thing as a father, it was my duty to prepare my children for the World at large, therefore every plight faced, I gave them a front row seat in how I chose to deal with it. I made life look easy first with my undying trust in God, and the adjustments made to fit the unforeseen circumstances faced. I put no limits on my boys, where as with my girls it was strictly about trust. When my older daughter became fifteen, and was considering babies, I was in over my head and dealt with her in my back of the woods bushman style approach that all but lended me in jail, but that's another encyclopedia. So my younger daughter, in light of what I went through with her sister gave me an heads up and made me more aware of what was coming. My boys knew who was the boss, my girls knew who to fear disappointing. When my older daughter was taken out of the house due to my wrackless method of teaching the birds and bees, I finally gave my younger daughter one rule for everything girly. "I will trust you, until you give me a reason not to". With this my kids and I stepped through life one day at a time till it came time for them to become masters of their own families. My sweetest memories of my girls came when I got a phone call from a woman I didn't know, my wife was out of town and my daughter was spending the day with someone I was not too familiar with. But because I trusted my daughter, I could send her into hell and the devil needed a note from heaven to move her one way or the other. I got a phone call from this lady who said my daughter would not allow her to buy her anything unless she first talked to me. I don't remember that rule, but sure enough, there it was, located in trust. Smiling, I gave the permission needed, and I hung up the phone. My oldest daughter had come up to spend time with her Mom and I was around and about. She had passed her teens and was a young adult. I kept my distance cause I wasn't sure where to draw the line with her. But a knock was heard on my door and my oldest daughter and her boyfriend was at my door wanting to speak with me in private. With her mother gone, she and her boyfriend closed the door behind them and made themselves comfortable. She told of her sexual issues with him, and he listened to every complaint with humble support looking for answers himself. What was spoken remains unspoken as trust has and always will be my foundation for parenting. We talked and they left my room in smiles. No gift I have ever received was larger than what my oldest daughter gave me that day. While others misunderstood what I tried to teach her at fifteen, she got it, and she came back to say thanks dad (crying). My younger daughter when she hit high teens gave me a call from her boyfriend's house, Dad I'm about to lose my virginity I just wanted to call before I do. Smiling, we talked and once I gave her my spin on the issue, we both hung up the phone. There is nothing I would change in the raising of my children, however, those missing moments of bounding with a growing baby girl was given away to protect the integrity of a bigger girl with bigger issues. I don't have a great relationship with my daughters now, their mother has a younger model for a husband. I respect her choice, and no, we can't be friends. In our home four eyes were enough, therefore let this principle be fixed in your new home as surely as it would have been in ours... Nj