BEN (just started writing this and would like your feedback, from my lovely followers first three chapters)

Prologue
His name is Ben; he’s been a fighter from the moment he was conceived. You see Ben's parents were told that they’d never have a child of their own. However pray hard enough wish long enough and believe in the impossible and anything is possible, just ask Clair; Ben's mother who now sits in her rocking chair nursing the bump that holds the foetus to her unborn child. Happy ending I hear you cry? Unfortunately not. Yes after two painful miscarriages and a river of tears, he who now floats in the most sacred of fluids is about to be born. Follow his journey to adulthood as he defies all the odds to become what he has always been a FIGHTER! His name is Ben and this is his story. 

Chapter 1: Love at first sight

Mark used to be quiet selfish and words dripped from arrogant lips and his bolshie attitude used to wind Clair up, however she wasn’t that innocent herself and sulked like a big kid and frequently spat her dummy out if she didn’t get her own way, but despite all their faults they fell madly in love together. They met in a Chinese restaurant. Their eyes met over a birds nest soup which coincidently they had both ordered. Clair was out on a hen do, her best mate Lisa was taking that leap of faith and tying the knot. Clair and Lisa have been childhood friends and used to do everything together but not anymore she knew her life was about to change and the new love in Lisa’s life would take up more of her time. It saddened her that an end of an era was fast approaching however Clair embraced life and took it in her stride and looked forward to the beginning of a new era. 
 Mark was out with the boys and their table was quite loud compared to the other tables and marks hoarse voice stood out as he laughed loudly at some stupid joke his mate was telling. 
Clair’s eyes snapped to his table. She glanced over his rugged looks with his dark slicked back hair and pronounced cheek bones, however it was his cheeky smile that caught her attention. The way he smiled filled his face with a cute demure.
  Mark on the other hand being the typical bloke was checking out her cleavage followed by her sexy blue eyes that twinkled under the dim light of the restaurant. He smiled as she flicked her long blonde hair to the side whilst seductively biting her lip. Then both played a game of who can eat their meal the most seductively. Clair went first taking a king prawn in-between her teeth and gently nibbled then flicked her tongue over its tail. Then it was marks turn. He was about as seductive as a frog and chocked as he overfilled his mouth as he mimicked her actions, however she laughed as his antics played out and they both knew that night they would be going home with each other. They knew from the first smile to their first embrace they were meant for each other and a year down the line they decided to move in together. 
 Mark took a job at a large corporation writing new software for other large corporations while Clair followed her dreams and became a beautician and hairdresser. 
The years passed quickly. Mark climbed the corporate ladder whilst Clair excelled in her profession too and started her own business and after applying for a business loan opened her own salon, however there was one thing missing, they both longed for a child. They both longed for that pitter patter of tiny feet.
 Clair came from a large family and was the eldest of five and frequently had to baby sit her younger siblings whilst Mark on the other hand only had a brother and there was only a couple of years between them, however he would baby sit his nephew and nieces. He loved kids and so did Claire.  
  Ever longed for something so much it hurt? Well that’s how this pair felt. They thought it would bring them closer still. To have a child to them wasn’t just about bringing a life into the world it was about something to love other than themselves. Yes they could have got a puppy but there is nothing better than the unfrequented love a child shows to its parents and the pair craved that feeling. They had so much love to give and they showed each other on a daily basis from a touch of the hand to kiss on the cheek. They had so much love and then some.
For Five years they tried and tried without success to conceive and carry a foetus to full term, and after two painful miscarriages which took its toll both mentally and physically it showed on their weary faces, the result wrinkles and baggy eyes from the sleepless nights that they have endured over the past five years.
There nightly ritual consisted of praying hand in hand knelt at the foot of their bed praying that this time she would take the foetus to full term and not two or three months like the past one.
The heartache of losing their first child cut them both to the core and the second loss was even worse. Imagine someone reaching deep inside your stomach and twisting your intestines around and around until they burst and that still wouldn’t come close to the pain they felt. In fact they’d rather have that physical pain over the emotional pain that plagued them for months after each miscarriage. 
They planted two rose bushes in memory of their deceased children  
They were at the wits end and had almost given up on hearing that pitter patter of tiny feet and then a miracle happens and both Clair and Mark are overjoyed when they finally conceive and take the foetus to full term, well almost full term.  Three months to to go and both are counting down the days. 
They are both overjoyed however nothing is straight forward as they found out after their first loss.

Chapter 2: It’s bad news I’m afraid 

After the loss of her first child Clair was diagnosed with unicornuate uterus syndrome - meaning her womb had split in two, which in turn increased her chances of miscarrying and even the possibility of premature labor. She was even advised not to try again as the shock from her first loss took its toll both physically and mentally and the doc worried about her state of mind and even referred her for some counselling. 
Both Mark and Clair tried to wipe the want of their own child out of their minds. They even contemplated getting a puppy in the hopes that it would fill the void in their lives, but after Marks brother’s wife conceives for the second time the want increased ten -fold and they yearned for a baby of their own so agreed to try again.
Three months later they successfully conceived again and under the hospitals watchful eye she managed a gestation period of three months which Clair thought was great until one day whilst out for a walk in the park, she was crippled with agonizing stomach pains and immediately rushed into hospital. 
Clair knew the foetus growing inside her was no longer that. She knew she now had an embryo growing within. She also knew her baby was about the size of an olive and that its fingers and toes had started to form but not yet separated and where bound together like the skin between a ducks webbed feet.
She had thoroughly done her research and watched countless you tube videos and read a plethora of books as to how her baby was developing.
She knew its facial features had begun to form and the iris in its eyes also, although she knew its eyelids wouldn’t open for at least another twenty six weeks. She even knew its external ears had formed however the internal canals were still filled with fluid and would clear later. She even knew its digestive system and diaphragm had started to form which allowed it to breath and hiccup.
Her whole body was undergoing a transformation like a caterpillar going through its chrysalis stage but instead of a beautiful butterfly emerging at the end, she’d be giving birth to a baby.  
She had noticed physical changes to. Her breasts had become enlarged and her nipples had darkened. The bluely lit veins that ran just underneath her skin seemed more pronounced than normal and formed a complex highway just under her skin. She’d also noticed that her migraines had increased since being pregnant. She hadn’t noticed before as she only carried her first foetus for a couple of weeks and that foetus slipped away when she pushed too hard on the  toilet one day, however she did notice some spots of blood when she wiped herself,  apart from that and a dull ache which she associated with a dodgy curry from the night before. She wouldn’t have been none the wiser.
 She was gutted when she was told she had miscarried so early on in her pregnancy and she knew that the dull aching pain that had turned to excruciating was the start of another miscarriage. However she tried to remain positive as the ambulance arrived on scene. She longed to hold her husband’s hand but he had to go away on business and was tied up till the end of the week.  
She felt alone, no worse abandoned left on her own to face what was to come. 
The agonising cramps that ripped through her pelvis told her for sure and left no doubt in her mind that this miscarriage was happing. 
Then it happened, it came as a trickle at first and slowly snaked its way around her thigh and soaked into her jeans however that trickle doubled in intensity and so did the cramps by the time she reached the hospital. 
She could handle the physical pain but the thought of being told she’d lost another baby cut to her core. 
Twenty minutes later she was told the bad news and to add insult to injury she was told that she may never carry a child to full term. 
She lay on the white starched sheets and bawled her eyes out, she felt empty, she was empty, not with child anymore. She felt like a part of her had died in that white washed surgical room, she couldn’t believe it had happened again.
 Later that day Mark got a phone call from his wife telling how she had miscarried again, they wept together and vowed that it was too much to go through again so together they decided to take the idea of having a natural baby together off the table, however they didn’t take the possibility of adopting off the table. 
Both Clair and mark had their strengths and weaknesses, Clair being the more emotional one broke down frequently in floods of tears whilst Mark seemed to be the stronger one and buried himself with work, however on the inside he was in pieces and grieved in his own way. He’d frequently wait until the house was empty and sob his heart out however he knew had to be remain strong for Clair he knew she needed him to be her tower of strength.     
  Three years passed in the blink of an eye and they watched in envy as more of their friends and family began their new families, and it wasn’t long until that envy turned to longing so they made an appointment at the doctors and after a lengthy examination coupled with a constructive conversation they agreed to try one last time.
 They both knew the risks, however Mark worried that another miscarriage could send her over the edge, So far in fact that he’d lose his precious Clair bear forever, however the want and the need outweighed the risks involved so they proceeded as planned and on 1/1/2015 they finally conceived. 

Chapter: 3 First Scan

Mark being the breadwinner took on more hours at work allowing Clair to take time off from work and instead of doing five days a week she just did the three. 
Her plan was simple, you see to her work or money didn’t matter. The want and need of her own child made everything else insignificant. Yes she knew she still needed to earn a living but with her husband earning £50.000 a year she could afford to take a back seat. 
In all the years they have been married she has never sponged, she’s an independent woman, she loved to earn her own money and is proud of what she has achieved for herself. 
There was only one drawback to her plan. Marks boss saw his commitment to the company as a chance to acquire new business from overseas and sent Mark on frequent overseas trips which could see him gone for weeks at a time, 
however the couple loved each other so much they took it in their stride.
  With Mark away for weeks at a time the weeks passed quickly and it wasn’t long before it was time for her first scan.
1/4/2015 Nottingham hospital 9:30am
 Mark had managed to get the day off work, however if it was left to his boss he would have been in China about now. You see his boss had pencilled him in for a trip to China; however when Mark found out the date of his trip crossed paths with the scan date he dug his heels in and refused point blank to go as he knew how much it meant to his wife for him to attend, it wasn’t just that though; yes he wanted to lend his moral support but he also wanted to be there as a father.
 They sit anxiously waiting in the reception area until finally their names are called.
 “Could Mrs Roberts please go to room three” they both look up simultaneously and see the sonographer, dressed head to toe in a gleaming white uniform. 
Mark and Clair stand and head towards her. Their eyes meet. 
“You must be Mrs Roberts? Would you like to follow me?” she announces then turns on her heels and walks back down the corridor with Mark and Clair in tow. 
The walk seemed for Clair an eternity and the clinically long white washed walls seemed to stretch out forever. She’d been here once before and the memories that now flooded her brain were that of unpleasantness. 
They reach room three and are ushered inside. 
“I can’t Mark, I just can’t” Clair says whilst holding the door frame with a vice like grip.
 Eh? “Can’t what love?” Mark asks with a bemused look across his face.
  Tears fill her eyes. “I can’t go inside, I’m scared it will all happen again and I couldn’t take that. Please don’t make me go in there” she pleads whilst tightly squeezing his hand.
 Mark knew something like this could happen and if he was being honest he didn’t want to go in either, however him being the stronger of the pair steps up and proves himself to be the man we all know him to be. He cups her face with his hands and kisses her forehead. The salty residue that stained his lips confirmed his fears.
“You’re nervous, I know love, me too but this has to be done. The quicker we go in the quicker we will be out, please love you can do this” he says staring into her deep blue eyes.
Tears fall in abundance and slowly her grip relinquishes on the door frame.
He sees her hand, it no longer holds that frame as if her life depended on it,  instead it wipes the tears from her eyes. “Ok I’m ready” she says and they go inside but as the door close’s a sense of impending doom washes over her and she knew deep in her heart that this wasn’t going to be good news.
  Once inside She looks around the room. A strong smell of antibacterial infused her nose as she lay on the starched white sheets.
The sonographer named Trish was friendly and quite chatty and after a couple of minutes she started to feel more at ease. 
Trish was new to the hospital and this was her second day so she didn’t know Clair’s history. This appointment had literally just been dropped on her after the usual sonographer rang in sick. She glances down at her medical record. 
 “I see this is your third pregnancy, have you any concerns apart the obvious” she asks with a pleasant smile. 
If Trish was known for anything it was her gift for tact. She knew Clair had miscarried twice  but she didn’t like to use that term in case it made her patient  nervous and upset so simply just said your third pregnancy.
Trish rolls up Clair’s top just above her belly button then does the same to the waist of her leggings but this time just below her belly button then drags the monitor around to her and takes a seat beside the bed. 
 “Ok then, I’m going to as you already know put some of this gel on your stomach, it might be a little cold but to be honest I think we are told to say that so you are aware but honestly in all my time doing this it never has been cold” she says smiling.
 Clair smiles, although she is nervous of the results she knows it has to be done so after a gentle squeeze of Marks hand she replies, “ok, I’m ready.” 
Trish squeezes an ample amount of the gel onto her stomach then grabs the ultrasound wand from the machine then asks Mark if he would be a gent and lower the lights. 
He does as he is asked and the scan begins.
 Trish presses the wand gently into her stomach whilst studying the image on the screen. Clair noticed that she kept going over the same spot over and over again so asks, “Is everything alright?” the frown returned from Trish’s face didn’t fill her answer with hope.
“Sorry I thought I. Oh it seems to have gone must have been a shadow or something nothing to worry about” she replies.
Both Mark and Clair let out a prolonged sigh of relief  so ask, “so everything’s alright then and its growing as it should be?” 
Trish smiles and replies, “yes your baby seems to be doing fine” and with that said she wipes the gel from her tummy with a paper towel then rolls back down her top and finally returns her waistline back to its original position.
“Ok that’s all for today see you next month” Trish says ushering the pair out the door. 
Clair and Mark thank Trish and head back home hopeful for the future however something was niggling Claire she couldn’t wrap her head around why Trish kept going over the same area repeatedly and this worried her immensely.      
       

Chapter 4: Houston we have a problem
2/5/2015 16 week scan

The next month passes in the blink of an eye but for Clair it couldn’t come soon enough. She needed answers; the vision on that screen from her last scan has plagued her. However she never let on to Mark just how much it bothered her, that and she didn’t want to come across as paranoid.
The day of the scan arrives and due to external circumstances Mark  can’t make it back from his business trip, the volcanic ash from a nearby volcano has grounded all flights out of Iceland. Gutted doesn’t describe how he feels. He wanted to be by her side because he knew something was bothering her but he couldn’t put his finger on it and later that day he gets his answer from a tear filled Clair.
  She has just arrived home. Her heart is heavy as she picks up the phone and dials Marks number. 
Ring, ring, she listens as the dial tone fills her ears, she really wants to hear his voice. The phone continues to ring.
Suddenly the dial tone fades and Mark answers.
“Hi, baby. Did everything go alright at the scan?” he asks cheerfully.
  Clair has tried to remain strong but on hearing his voice instantly burst into floods of tears. 
“Hey, what’s wrong love? It can’t be that bad can it?” 
  Yerrrr…” the worst” she splutters amidst her floods of tears. 
 “Love, listen calm down and tell me what’s wrong, is it the baby?” he asks. His tone is no longer cheerful more of concerned. 
 Clair try’s to pull herself together but it’s no use she is a literal wreck.
“Yes, the baby…. Has… got a hole in his heart. I told you…. something was…. Wrong didn’t I? However you thought I was being paranoid as usual. 
Mark doesn’t answer straightway he’s in shock, ten minutes ago he was filled with joy after sealing a multimillion deal but now that seems light years away and oh so insignificant.
 “Mark, are you there?” she asks when he doesn’t answer.
“Yes love of course I am, I’m just trying to wrap my head around what you have just told me, what exactly did the sonographer say?”
 “They said everything was fine apart from a small hole in the heart. Apparently this is something that could repair itself before the baby is born but we will have to wait and see how things have progressed at the next scan. I was then referred to a doctor so I asked him what risks this could pose to the baby if it doesn't repair itself, however he just kept on about the possibility of Down's syndrome. I tried to tell him that I wasn't concerned about Down's syndrome risks, and I just wanted to know how my child's quality of life could be affected by a hole in the heart. I think maybe I wasn't explaining myself too well or maybe he just didn't know the answer as it's not his area, so I didn't get any response on that other than him repeating the stuff about Down's Syndrome. He advised me to have the amino test so I did and I can tell you Mark having a big ass needle shoved in my stomach wasn’t pleasant. I really needed you today and for the first time in my life I felt like I was going through this alone.” 
  “Love, I’m so sorry, please don’t be like this. Babe, you know I wanted to be there and I would have been if it wasn’t for this stupid ash cloud, look I have a prior business meeting in ten minutes and I can’t postpone it. I will ring you as soon as it finishes ok?”
“Whatever Mark shows were your priorities lie?” 
Click! she hangs up the phone and slumps into her chair.
Meanwhile Mark stands dumbfounded, thinking to himself what the hell just happened?

Chapter 5: Home is where my loyalties lie.

The day dragged on and Clair sat at home nursing her latest migraine. Inside her head it thumped like a percussion of drums. The veins at the side of her temples seemed to pulsate to the beat of those drums and it rang out through her ears.
She felt sick, nauseatingly sick. Her head spun like she’d been out on a bender and she was suffering from the aftermath of a serious hang over. She knew the migraine had been brought on from the stress she was under that and falling out with Mark didn’t help. She stands on shaky legs but sits almost immediately back down as the room begins to spin. The spinning of the room adds to her nausea. She felt the large congealed lump traverse up to the back of her throat and gags several times as it passes over her taste buds. She opens her mouth and violently begins to heave, seconds later she projectile vomits across the room and up the wall. The smell is rancid which makes her vomit again and again. I kid you not it was like a scene from the exorcist and all that was needed to make the scene complete was the 360 degree head spin.
Clair drags herself off the chair and heads for the bathroom, never in her life had she been this sick nor the migraine worse than it is today. 
She opens the bathroom door and enters and immediately drops to her knees then lifts the lid up on the toilet and vomits again and again.
“How much more, surly that’s my breakfast, dinner and tea gone now?” she surmises as another congealed lump forces it’s way out.
 She looks into the pebble dashed toilet and can just barely see her reflection staring back. Her hair hangs messily over her face and chunks of carrots and sweetcorn dangle from the fine strands of her hair, it was almost like she was starting some new fashion trend. Slimy snot dangled from her nose and swings from side to side with the momentum of her movement. 
She closes the lid and flushes the chain then stands on shaking legs, she felt cold, goose bumps protrude from her arms causing the tiny hairs on her arms to stand up like an army of soldiers standing to attention. Her once blossomed cheeks now resemble something from a horror movie. Dark black bags form the lines under her eyes from the crying she did earlier, she looked like a panda.
She turns the tap on and runs the cold water then washes her face. It felt refreshing as she cupped the water with her hands and splashed it against her face. The result was instant cooling. Next she brushed her teeth. Her mouth felt furry. She scrubs the white debris from her tongue with her tongue scrubber then flicks the switch on the tooth brush adding a pea sized lump of toothpaste to the brush and soon the rancid taste leaves her mouth, replaced my minty fresh. 
Her migraine subsides. The thumping decreases to a mild chatter. The veins on the side of her temple don’t seem to beat so intensely either. It was like she was coming down from a high. 
Suddenly she drops to her knees gasping for air, the pain that ripped through her abdomen brought her instantly to tears and dripped effortlessly to the floor.
The heaving she had done had caused her stomach to spasm. Wave after wave of hot flushes wash over her and force her to sit down on the toilet lid.
 Downstairs she can hear the phone ringing. She digs deep and drags herself to her feet then sits on the top step of the stairs and bush shuffles herself to the bottom. 
She reaches the bottom, the phone no longer rings. She sees the blinking red light that indicated someone has left a message and presses the play button.
  Hi love it’s only me. Just checking in with you. Look about before, I may have come across a tad incentive and for that I am truly sorry, I had intended to ring your earlier than this but the meeting went on longer than I expected. Not that you’re interested but I sealed another deal. When we spoke earlier on you seemed to imply that my loyalty was to my work and I can assure nothing is further from the truth. Baby boo, from the moment I set eyes on you in that restaurant you became my world and you mean the world to me. I love you Clair, I always have done. I guess… I use my work as a distraction. You see I’m not like you, I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve.
I consider myself a mans man and feel it shows weakness in me to cry in front of you but that doesn’t mean I don’t hurt or feel. Any way that’s enough for tonight I hate talking to these answer phones and you’ll probably never listen to it anyway so I don’t even know why I’m still talking to it. Love you Clair bear I’ll ring you tomorrow. Oh i forgot to mention the ash cloud is predicted to clear by tomorrow evening so the flights should resume shortly after that so I should be home for Friday afternoon at the latest. Bye baby.
  Clair replaces the receiver and watches as the blinking red light fades as so did her own eyes. Her nausea had caused her to expel too much energy and with no food to burn, she literally felt like a shell. 
She slumps into the comfort of her chair and watches as the room fades to black. She did have every intension of cleaning her vomit up, however she is too exhausted and needs her rest. 
Bang! The slamming of the letterbox startles her. She looks over to the window. Puddles of light filter through the crack in the curtain. The smell of stale sick succumbed her senses and so she immediately heads for the kitchen. She walks from the living room and into the hallway. She can see that the postman’s been and piles of letters lie sporadically across the floor. She continues on to the kitchen, there she opens the draw and takes out a jar of vicks vapour rub and generously rubs it under her nose causing her eyes to water. She fills the bowl with hot soapy water and proceeds back to the living and begins to clean up the foul mess from the previous night. She was thankful that Mark was a clean freak and had painted the walls in washable paint and it rubbed off with little effort. The vicks vapour rub she’d rubbed under her nose had made the task bearable; the rancid smell in the room would have caused her to be sick again for sure.
It’s took almost an hour but the house smells like home again, however Clair doesn’t. she looks down at her clothes. Dried sick procrastinated and stuck to her clothes in hard thick lumps. She strips  to her underwear then throws the rancid package into the washing machine and turns it on, then heads upstairs for a shower. 
She removes her underwear and steps into the shower cubicle and turns on the shower and waits in anticipation for the water to cascade down  and cleanse her body. The warm water felt divine as it traversed her curves. she reaches over to the soap tray and grabs the soap and vigorously rubs it in her hands. The sweet smell of coconut infuses her senses as she slowly washes her body. Her soft supple skin is covered in seconds by a layer of white soap suds. The sound they made as they danced against her skin was that of static until they are washed away. Her body looks like a blank canvas now, she was like an etcha sketch that had been drew on and then shaken.
Bang! The front door opens then slams shut. Her heartbeat goes through the roof and beats against her chest and echoes through her ears. She turns the switch to off and the water instantly ceases and all she can hear now is the drip off the shower hitting the foot plate below. 
She gasps loudly and quickly reaches for a towel when footsteps ascend the stairs. She wraps the towel tightly around her waist and cowers on the shower floor. She gasps again loudly then places her hand tightly across her mouth as the door handle slowly lowers . it’s as if she’s watching it in slow motion. . Her eyes close as the door bursts open and in walks Mark with his trousers around his ankles. 
“What the fuck!” He says as he enters and see’s the vision presented before him. 
Mark had drove a hundred miles in the opposite direction of the ash cloud and caught an earlier flight home. His intension was to surprise Clair when she got home from work however on his journey home the airplane food hadn’t agreed with his delicate stomach and had given him the runs, hence  his trousers around his ankles. 
Clair’s eyes snap open when she hears the familiar voice. She stands on shaking legs and gives him what for.
 “You dozy bastard, you could have told me you were coming back on an earlier flight. You nearly made me have my third miscarriage, I kid you not I was that close” she vents then mimics the size by spreading her thumb and fore finger out. 
Despite her anger she is pleased to see him and after venting she rushes towards him and throws her arms around his neck and repeatedly  kisses his cheeks then plants a good one on his lips then mouths “you prick” on the dismount.
He eases her away and replies, “What, Have I done?”
“You scared the shit out of me. That’s what!”
He chuckles and replies, “sorry love. I thought the house was empty.”
“Obviously not, and why didn’t you let me know you was coming home early?”
He chuckles again, “love it wouldn’t have been a surprise if I’d told you , now would it? I wanted to show you my loyalties lie at home and not at work . Now if you don’t mind kindly vacate the room. Me and that toilet have some business to attend to then we’ll catch up properly. 
Clair looks down at his ankles and chuckles and replies, “ what… are you like?”
 “Ha, ha, never mind, just leave” he retorts whilst ushering her out the door. 
Once out he closes the door and the noise that followed doesn’t bare repeating.