Creep

I said “ I love you, be my girlfriend.” She said “No, I’m sorry” she shouldn’t feel sorry, those are her feelings no one should feel sorry for how they feel. I felt as if the walls were going to come apart and a fat bald man on a chair was going to yell cut, and we were going to be engulfed by a applus, but none of this happen, and I remembered that my sad, pathetic, non-important life was my reality. I then walked out everything was quiet I couldn't tell if it was me or everything was this way. I walked home, I think I ended up at a hard core show playing at a place called the smell the band was called shit, I saw my friends there there was this crazy cat named I don’t know her name, but we call her zero, and there was Bob and Bob they both had the same name, but one was short and one was tall, one was chill one was always hyped up. Then the two leaders JIm and Tom they were always drinking and smoking plenty they were my only friends when everyone else left me. Yet I couldn't help myself I was happy with friends pretending like I don't care, like I don't want to see her well I do …I do want to see her, I want to be there with her but didn’t tell her because she doesn’t give a fuck, well fuck her, and I say fuck her because I love you. Tall Bob gave my a ride home, he and his Ex girlfriend were always on and off I felt sorry for the guy the Moo was kind of crazy, but we didn’t say anything cause we were happy for him. When I got home I immediately went to sleep then I woke up it was dark out and I looked back I was somewhere at a gas station and this guy ran up to me slapped my ass and dragged me by my feet. He was pulling and dragging, but I wasn’t fighting back I was accepting this I felt as if this was my life at its best being dragged face down I knew this was the end, and all the people were laughing at me they hate me everyone does. I just keep on going accepting my fate I just wondered how I ended up in this predicament, then we entered into a room deep into the earth, wet on the floor I couldn't taste blood, this gave me less hope for life I could only imagine how good he was at killing people, maybe he would cut my ankles and make me walk until my body collapsed on its own weight well I’m sure this man is an artist and my body won’t soon be forgotten. My definition of an artist is someone, anyone who puts their heart and soul into their work. There I was on a chair blindfolded ready to meet my Maker I never really believed in Jesus Christ, It must stuck to be him I would think, with all the people coming to him every time they want something they always look to the big man in the sky. Not me I’m going 6 feet under and staying there soul and all. This man sat me and said “Hey sorry man nothing personal, I just don’t want to be forgotten” I said “Don’t worry about it too much this way at least I’ll be somebody”. Then he proceeded to say “Oh cool man I’ll just kill you off early then do all the experiments after for being such a good sport” then I said “ Do what you gotta do man” I could hear him breathing heavily the sound of the knife dragging over the metal cart he took a step forward he stabbed me in my stomach, and he keep on stabbing me and I couldn't feel anything I wanted him to stab me more I wanted to know I was human, but no matter how hard he stabbed I didn’t die and I didn’t feel it I found a way to even mess this up I am such a failure. Then he said “I’m sorry” then with a swift thrust and a loud yell one could hear from Mount Olympus and killed me. I woke up with a cold sweat beating down my face and a comfortably numb feeling in my head hoping that this was reality. It was 9 in the A.M. I was late for my breakfast date with my bestfriend Diego I told him we I needed to talk to him about the whole she doesn’t feel the same way about me thing, but we didn’t talk I stayed at home and I couldn't move I had my headphones on in bed and the music was holding me down I could hear the phone ringing, but I couldn't move this music was something else I wasn’t sure how I should feel. The music was send waves of emotions that I was trying to swim across, but I was drowning in emotion and I soon just let myself drown the water was rising while I was sinking to the bottom. I saw a child in the corner of the room crying I approached the child, and it turned out to be me as a young lad I asked him “Why are you crying little man” then he pointed at she who must not be named, so Iaid “Theres no need to be scared”, so he responded “but when life is not worth living why live it any longer? Why should I keep this fake smile going? Why should I pretend to be happy for people who don’t like me, nor ever will.”, I said the only thing that came to my mind “You’re right, absolutely right, and nothing can change that, but what life what out pain? Its nothing”. He looked up to me “Yes, but please promise me you won’t be such a bitch so I don’t have to be like this all the time.” I looked deep in his eyes and I saw her “I promise” and she was gone. I soon woke up it was around noon time, and I was hungry, so I went out to find some food I left my phone in my room 12 missed calls 2 from she who must not be named and 10 from Diego, he must of told her something. I went off into the kitchen I picked up a knife and began to cut myself a orange it was so sweet, but so bitter at the same it reminded me of love. I made myself some breakfast french toast with pancakes, and I couldn't help but to think about her and how a lot of guys would’ve just loved her body, but not like me I loved her personality. There it was I felt it I felt like a child about to cry, the moment when I dropped a tear in my syrup I knew that this silly depression was pointless, so I got over being sad. That day I decided to change my life I knew that I didn’t need any women to make me feel happy, or complete, all I needed was myself to be complete. I got into my car and I was going to drive to my friend Diego's house he did live rather far about a 15 minute drive, but I never really minded the drive it was rather relaxing. I decided to take the long way I love the scenery and the wooden bridge hanging over the raging river, its amazing how something so small and old could be protecting one from death. Everything was so clear as if I had opened into another reality I was thinking of things I had never thought of, and it was all clear I must die, and there's no way around it. I parked my car and I started to write “ This is not a suicide letter I just realize what I have to do and the only way to achieve that is by the means of suicide, and if it doesn’t work well then this child inside of me will never stop crying”. I jumped back first into the lake and let myself drown in the river I could hear the boy inside screaming, but I paid no attention this is the only way for the both of us. A happy ending for a tragic man.