Eternal Beauty

Being on the front pages of European fashion magazines is no longer just a dream for me; it's a reality that I can hardly believe. I always wanted to be in those magazines, make loads of money, and travel the European world. The struggle to earn my daily bread is finally over. Now I can eat, dance, and enjoy fortune and fame in Paris, my new home. After all, isn’t that what life is all about?

When I started my journey at the age of 19 in Singapore, my perception of beauty was tied to how others viewed me. If people validated me and wanted to hire me for modeling jobs, then I had to be beautiful as a result. I believed that if I succeeded and began working, I had to be attractive. This mindset was dangerous because I was placing my self-worth in the hands of others.

I also defined beauty by association. Working alongside some of the most beautiful women in the world, who appeared in renowned magazines, led me to believe that I must also be beautiful like them.

The attention I received from attractive, intelligent, and successful men further reinforced my self-image. I thought I was beautiful because many admired me, and my numerous friends made it easy for me to secure invitations and visit any place I liked. Thus, I became a self-centered individual, living a life of egotism, with “I,” “my,” and “me” becoming my favorite words. My entire perspective on life revolved around physical appearance—my weight, my hair, my attire, and my allure.

At one point, while modeling in the Czech Republic for two years, I had staff members to do all my tasks, even tying my shoelaces. When I needed to change clothes, someone would be there holding my outfits. Each position had three people assigned to it, feeding my vanity and selfishness. I became addicted to the job, working seven days a week because I knew nothing was certain; I could lose my job at any moment. My beauty could fade anytime, so I had to do everything I could to maintain it. I would work in Germany all day and then fly to Paris in the evening, returning the next morning. Fear of losing it all drove me to hold on to this lifestyle at any cost.

The consequence was exhaustion, leading to illness. One day, while shooting, I felt dizzy and injured my knee. For the first time in my career, I found myself bedridden. Being unable to work was a terrifying experience because even a two-week break meant losing numerous fashion shows I could have participated in. I had to cancel fourteen shows. I was devastated, but during that time of inactivity, I reflected on my life, questioning my values and ideas about beauty, and considered what kind of person I had become. I realized my thoughts about beauty were flawed.

I acknowledged that my features would change. The pictures I had torn from magazines would quickly become outdated. I had worked hard to make my images reach those magazines, but my agency wanted to remove them from my portfolio within six months because they had become obsolete. I was constantly trying to keep up with the changing times.

I also discovered that acquiring so much wealth at a young age was a significant achievement, but the responsibility of managing it was overwhelming. I began to question why people were attracted to me. If I looked different or did another job or didn't have so much money, would my friends still love me? Just as I reached the peak of my career, questions and doubts began to plague me. I felt the hollowness of everything I had achieved; despite attaining all I desired, something still felt missing. What had happened? Where were my priorities? For whom or what was I living? It became clear to me that I was building my life on unstable ground.

This societal mindset, my friends’ perceptions, the amount of wealth I had accumulated, and my fame were all superficial foundations. I realized I was building my life on sand. I thought back to my upbringing in Lahore, where I felt no need for God. What was my state? My parents had divorced, and their faith did not help them.

Moreover, I compared my beauty to that of other women. Envy became another issue I had to address. I learned that regardless of how God made me, I needed to be content knowing that He loves and accepts me as I am. Living in dissatisfaction is detrimental. This state creates challenges in becoming friends or making friends, leading you to expect too much from others to validate and satisfy you.

God first revealed to me the danger of pride, which had caused me much difficulty. In Europe, people spend an annual 20 billion euros on cosmetics, 3 billion on cosmetic surgery, and 30 billion on balanced health products. This illustrates how much money we invest in our appearances. Pride is not beautiful.

What is beauty? It is not physical appearance; it resides in our hearts. Humility is true beauty, even though it may not be valued in my business. Self-esteem and contentment are beautiful. Knowing God brings beauty, as the realization that He loves and accepts us instills satisfaction and self-worth in our lives. Consequently, we can freely accept our flaws and love ourselves.

Without God’s forgiveness, sin makes our inner selves ugly, preventing us from living in peace. The superficial remedies in the world cannot change us. God sees us as others do. Only our character can make us beautiful in His sight. True inner beauty starts from a relationship with God at the center of our lives and radiates outward.