Exhale Victory

A host of unexpected painful events threatens to steal her joy.  She breathes irregularly, panic stricken, faced with harsh realities of devastation she and her family has to face.  Even though she's absolutely thrown by the initial shock of the disastrous revelations, somehow in the far corners of her storm tossed emotions she embraces the fact that there's a greater meaning to this crazy dysfunctional situation. 

So many questions and speculations race through her mind in chaotic waves.  Can this really be the end? How did it happen so fast?. In a split moment of misunderstanding and an argument that really had no depth. Yes there were arguments before, and yes she was blatantly the hard head in certain instances, but nothing so serious that the foundations of 32 years of marriage could not restore to normalcy fast!  But this time it seems, there's another force that clearly tore these hearts apart and it waxed cold and callous as the couple faced a challenging and bitter war torn covenant devastation ahead. 

Two weeks prior to the "cherry on top" disagreement, they were planning their white Christmas in Europe and air tickets were booked and paid for online.  They were so blissfully happy,moving onto their 32nd year of marriage, all was so meaningful and in line with their desires and hopes in their final phases of their journey together.

Their adult children and grandchildren basked in the beauty of their parents' love and commitment to one another. No matter what challenges they may have faced over the years,  what shone out were the remarkable truths that they loved beyond the trials with God as their anchor and guide. 

But nothing could ever prepare them for what was coming! Talk about unexpected disasters of note such as Tsunamis, Hurricane Katrina etc.  Her's she respectfully named  "Victory Storm".  A family's hopes and dreams shattered, children and grand children not to mention the friends and family. Then the broken heart of a wife, mother, grand mother ripped out of her body and thrown down to the ground to be crushed by the excruciating pain of adultery and deceit. She felt numb, lethargic and her soul cried out for this whirlwind of unending motions of blaming and validations implicating her worthlessness as a woman. 

He felt his heart let go. It had eventually caved in to the temptations he had constantly battled with over the years. Now he had a plan B for a better life without her.  He called it "its my time now".  An opportunity he felt he was entitled to and should not be robbed of it.  All the while he dropped little hints, as he threatened his wife that there are so many better out there and she should take note of her treatment of him.  She kept asking him to come out straight with what he meant, but he shrugged it off, but internalised the seed until it started slowly growing a cowardice action -even without him realising it. The cruel fruits of infidelity and adultery, had come full circle to destroy this God based family of nine.  Father, Mother, three adult children their son in law and three grand children.  

Months of denial set in for him. He had made prior connections with the other woman in closer relational measures through work communication.  More and more it seemed right for them to pursue their "happiness"and as their relationship evolved he started finding more and more fault with his wife.  He trained his mind willfully to reject her in a fatal blow! Slating her and sharing their deepest home life issues with the other woman to get his story of his innocence across, so she could be his new confidante and comforter.  And this he could do well to pass over the ownership to his down trodden wife. No fifty fifty for him.  His wife was the ogre who had nothing to offer in his new lifestyle of seeking greener pastures.

The other woman, never been married at thirty nine, probably financially sound and sixteen years his junior and as we can imagine somewhat fearful of never finding a man at that age, gave it all she could to get her life sorted. Her Facebook vengeance cut deep. Her words of scorn laced with the happiness of finding her true love with another woman's husband felt she had hit the jackpot. 

The trend was clearly and fully preconceived. The process clearly defined, their hearts and minds were set on what they called "Love and a second chance"  Then the argument, plotted well , he pleads for space and time out, the whole family shocked, but suggests that he then takes this trip out for his sanity.  However, he makes an announcement that he has to cancel his wife's already booked and paid for white Christmas tickets so he can go alone to air his head.  This badly broke her heart into small pieces! He did this with so much anger and pride saying he can do what he wants to when he wants to.  This was a day she is still today haunted with. Just how cold and vicious can one get when you've deviously set up your way forward to fulfill your own selfish desires and dreams.

Everyone felt so sorry for him at this time as they heard him talk of the years of him keeping the family together and that his wife was working but could never service her budgets properly and all her outbursts and resurrecting her  faults and failures of years gone by. Little did they know that behind the mask she was battling the strikes of his infidelity patterns across their years together.  She would go to the extremes,sometimes lose her dignity to prove to him she could handle her side of the home making.  Countless embarrassments in company, in churches, work places, illegitimacy,passing gestures on travels together, talking her down making her feel so worthless as never being enough!  Arrogance and pride came natural to him and she unfortunately needed to be strong in so many ways to accept this untamed reality.

Through it all, she firmly stood the test of time, and now, the head on final crush. He returns from his "space away".  Says it was a lonely trip and he feels like just being alone.  He had already moved out of the bedroom prior to his trip, and there was no sign of him returning.  More 'time out'seemed needed.  As she clears out his holiday cases to freshen his clothes, she finds a hotel bill with the name of the other woman with her husband in the hotel.  She breaks down, how could he take someone on "their" white Christmas?  What kind of person does this? No, what kind of supposedly strong man of God does this?.  When she and her daughters confront him with the evidence, he denies it point blank at first, then he says those famous words we hear in these settings "I never meant it to be this way".

The journey from here was shaky, cold, lukewarm then ice cold as they tried to salvage what could be saved of this long standing marriage.  But the other force was stronger!  The force to set her free from pain and humiliation and him to his happiness.  The final release, the end decisions made and victory wins the battle. Years of what she thought was normal and meant to be. Her acceptance of the wounds of infidelity and shame to keep her family together, finally moved her to a place of solid contentment that she had done well and exhaled the Victory.

Her passion is revived and she feels rejuvenated to share her story in a non-judgmental way. She still reverences her family unit with such deep respect and love and renounces the dysfunctions but embrace the new song she sings of her new-found peace and stability.  Her life is on the mend, and even though the scars sometimes reminds her of her 34 years ordeal in her quest to perform at a high pace, she smiles and thanks God for giving her this fresh start and her brand new perspective.  All is not lost.  She has herself and the new people who lifts her spirits and shares in her final journey to an excellent life of inspirational bliss. 

She believes that nothing can ever hold her captive again, she let it go and lives in the freedom of forgiveness to share her story in her passion to help others move up with her on this exciting journey of hope and authentic restoration.

End