Feelings That I Wanted To Let Out

     Friendship and having friends can be two different things and can mean two different things. I have friends but they secretly just use me and then i have friends that are actually my friends. The ones that are actually my friends are the ones that I'm closest to and hopefully my friendship will last with them. The ones that just use me won't be my friends anymore when i can't give them what they want.

     I don't have the money, the cigarettes, the alcohol, or anything like that to give them anymore. I can hardly provide for myself. How am i supposed to provide for them as well? Like I tell people that I can't  help them out this time but that's something that has to happen but oh well. Yea I feel bad about it when I can't help but its life.

     Life goes on and for some people they end it over stupid stuff. There are many people that are willing to use people and not care if they pay that person back or if they hurt that person. I have bad that experience and I've grown from it. I also have dealt with heartbreaks and being lied to straight to my face.

     I've been in more relationships than anyone in my family has been and that makes me think badly about myself. Yes I know i'm only a Junior in high school but i'm ready to settle down and have kids. A person wont be around forever and you don't know how long you're going to last here on earth. Many people get their lives take from them or the people take there lives with suicide.

     I've dealt with people that tried killing themselves and it's not fun to deal with, I've came close to doing it but then I thought to myself, why would i want to do such a stupid thing when I got people here that love me and will always love me though they haven't even tried to prove it or if they did I was really blind when they did. Suicide isn't an answer in any problem and shouldn't even be an option but it is. I can walk down the hallways at any school or walk into any building and have people judge me because i'm not a skinny person or I hear people say, oh look at that person. I think she just ate an elephant or she's going to cause an earthquake.

     Words can hurt someone and can lead them to do things that they didn't want to do but it gives them a reason to do it. I've been called everything in my old school and in this new school that I got use to it and that I've gotten hurt so many times by a stupid redneck that wanted to get some chick knocked up. He tried to do it with me but I wouldn't let him go any further because I wasn't ready but he isn't a good person as it is. I found someone that understands that i'm not really ready because i'm still in high school and I don't want to have a kid when i'm here. My friend is knocked up in tomahawk thanks to a guy that she though she could trust but after he slept with her, he left her for someone else.

     Now she has to deal with the kid and raising it by herself. She is scared to tell her parents but she's going to have to tell them before they find out for themselves. She's scared and i don't blame her but what's really sad is that she's only a sophomore in high school and they guy she slept with is a junior in high school. He was my best friend and I got close to her and yea I got jealous about how they acted but he wasn't mine but he was one time.

    He was like my brother and it felt like she was taking him away from me but she acted like she was everything until the day that I snapped at her and told her how I felt and I told her that she cant have him all to herself because he has friends that he has dropped because of her. He was called me crying before because of the hurtful things she has said to him. After I talked to her she understood where I was coming from and backed of a lot. She is like my little sister now and we don't fight about him.

     We have been close and after he pulled this i was done with him and i kind of regret it but i got to be careful with who my friends are and what they can do to me when i least expect it. I want to help her but i just don't know what i should tell her besides the options there are and that she should tell her parents. I told her that theirs abortion, adoption, miscarriage, and just to have the kid. I told her the best thing to do is to tell her parents and have the kid because giving the kid up to the adoption people is hard and you never know he or she might look for their birth parents.

     Abortion is a terrible thing to do but if they truly want to do it then let them. Miscarriage is also a terrible thing to happen because you have a dead baby inside of you till you can get it removed by your doctor. I would just rather keep the kid and take care of it myself because i can raise it how i want to and not let anyone else do it. It's her choice and i was trying to help her out but she doesn't listen to people like a lot of other people do.