happy till my end

from as far back as I can remember  every thing I have ever had ranging  from physical things to emotions  was lost in some way shape or form , weather stolen from me given away due to trickery or a con and when I think about it something else that I had lost was a sense of security...was this  stole from me as well ?   or a casualty of my life  ? something that I had to use unwillingly as payment . if that is the case. I believe it is unfair, for I did not see and no one informed me of the cost  nor did I see the price tag.. but I now I just reviewed my credit  statement and im in shock to know what I have paid .. and I still have a balance due .. I wish some how I knew what the final cost is  so I can pay up and be done with the  insecurity  the mistrust  and the loneliness. will you lead me out of this debt. forever  with out  conning me? forcing me to became  withdrawn  from the possibility of a forever love .... but time is on my side in a  way now that im older.and in the twilight years of my life ,I cant be conned for as long as I had been before just 1 favor please is what I ask . if this is a con  let it last just one day more than the rest of my life ......