hard to move on....

It's when, something dies in someone, something breaks in someone , it doesn't make sound, nor it is visible to all but it can be felt, it can be felt by the person who knows you good enough to understand you. she was tired now she was tired of herself. ya! actually herself.. inside her, everything was changed and it's when the broken heart becomes hard. it's when you understand actually how miserable the world is. actually when you understand that whosoever comes in your life meant to leave one day. no matter how much you are close to them, how much you need them, love them . At the end they leave , leaving behind a changed you and the painful thing is that they do not even feel what they did ! she doesn't shared anything to anyone about how she feels even not with her daily journals , she doesn't like to talk more , to laugh more . she never cried, never expressed , all she wanted to be alone, away from this miserable world , where everyone is fake, everyone appears with a face wearing a mask . and she actually understand why this ''mask thing?'' somewhere they all too feels the same and have something hidden inside them which they not wanted to show to anyone and apparently we all are in the same state. she knows how she pretends to be happy in front of all without letting anyone to notice the wet part of her eye and when someone asks,'' what happen?'' she  just smiles and says 'nothing' with a sweet expression on her face which is totally fake but pretty enough to make anyone believe she hides her pain because she understands that everyone around have their own pain and sufferings the why to spread more again? instead she likes to share happiness..no matter whether she herself smiles or not but loves to put smile on others face exactly like broken crayons. broken crayons still fill colors and and so she does. she hated to be loved now, hated to be cared and irritated by everyone who tries to make her comfortable , because of her regular pain and physical disability but now somehow she managed. she made herself understand and explained herself that this is what we call the struggle of life , and everyone should have gone through this . you should know how it feels ? how it feels to be broken , to be alone, to be betrayed. she actually needed support, she needed someone constant in her life now, she needed love, that warmth, that affection, that everything which can make one feel happy in the world, which can take her out of dark , and suffocated room to the open and happy world. but what to do! a war is started between her heart and mind now and as the heart is already broken..her mind is all set to win. And so she doesn't wanted to be depend on anyone , trust anyone, love anyone.....all she is now is because of those expectations which are broken badly. she knows now that the path of life should be covered alone only, if you will fall then nobody will come to pick you up , to heal your wounds. And so , away from tears, expectations,  love and feelings she is now heading towards something different. she was heading towards something which she was not meant for , heading towards a way which probably won't see a girl which she was once.