Her song

For a while i did not see the pain and humiliation she felt . For years she went through all of this alone, she was the talk of the town. Everybody knew her pain but us her kids,and they made a joke about it. We did not see the pain she was in, we were so happy to see her as we only get this one chance to see them and that was around school holidays. All we saw was our parents but to her,her kids will experience nightmare that she lives with,it was real  and alive, every minute, every hour and every day. All she did was counting till the next occasion and how to hide it from her kids. I was so ignorant and all i wanted for her was my father but her pain i did not care about it. Until one day we were playing with my siblings and the other kids one of them made a comment about my father being aggressive when he is drunk. We laughed it off to us it was a joke. Fridays my mom's nightmare will begin and everyone knew about it and they will watch her and joke about it. Then that Friday my dad left and went for a drink. I remember the look my mom had in her eyes, it was like she is scared, like she is out of ways on how to deal with this, like she had enough of this then she say please go call your siblings they cannot be playing around this time when their father come back it won't be funny. I called them ,we ate and they went to bed and i sat there with her until around 11h00pm and all this time she begged me to go to bed but i refused. The look in her eyes scared me. Finally i fell asleep, i remember hearing a terrible sound and i jumped , my mom response was "ohh God just how much longer can i live like " but my father was busy kicking the door shouting open this door or you busy with a man fucking you in my house! I jumped out of bed and went to the kitchen were they were arguing. He kept on kicking things and my mom begged me to go back to bed. He was swearing and my mom was begging him to stop. He went outside and mom said  this is my life everyday and don't you dare tell my brothers nd sisters. I stood there quite and when he came back he said :Who was here i can see foot print. My mom replied no one,he banged the door. Don't lie to me i saw them. He went straight to our room and wake my siblings demanding them to wake up and look for a dog's bowl claiming that it's not were it should be. They went outside to look for it and i helped them look and found it then asked my mom 'who was here" my mom replied making her way to the door. No one ,he grabed her but my mom managed to free herself from him my siblings ran screaming and i just stood there looking at all of this. He came back shouting and swearing but i stood there looking him in the eye. Im my mind i asked at this time of the night it was almost 2 am in the morning. I went outside calling everyone no one responded, i was so scared. It was so dark i looked for everyone but found my siblings. They were so scared, i took them to bed but they were so scared. I remember saying to them, he will not touch you and they fell asleep. I sat there wondering were my mom could be . At that time my father left the door wide open and he went to bed,i tried closing it he almost killed me. He said to me 'you are young and i will kill you 'go to sleep. I was so scared then went to bed but could not sleep, my mom was not yet back. I was shaking then he fell asleep, you could hear from outside that he is asleep cause he was the snoring type. After a little while i heard a sound like someone is in the house sneaking. I woke up going straight to the side that i hear this sound from when i open the door, it was my mom i was so happy to see her but all she said was 'shhhhh you will wake him. She made a cup of tea and started smoking and then she said, this is my life. I submit to him, i do all a woman has to do to her husband but this is what i get. I pray everyday still i get this. You know that i  told all of them not to give him alcohol because they know how he is but they laugh at me. I just went to his parents gravestones and seek help i don't know what else to do. She was crying when she was saying all of this. We went to sleep in the morning i woke up to the sound of her voice shouting my father and he was quite. He then later left to drink again this time it was during the day. My mom ran as for my siblings they were playing with their friends and i was the only one at home trying to be there for my mom but there way i was so scared when my mom ran i looked for a place to hide and he was kicking everything in the house, screaming and  swearing. I stayed there until it was silent and for my mom to come back. He was shouting, swearing and i reamin hidden. It was around 3 in the afternoon when all this happened, i prayed that my siblings can just play but not come home. For some reason they never did, i hid there until late. I was not hungry or sleepy, what i remember was my mom calling softly for me saying'come now baby he is asleep' i remain quite and hide still. She kept on saying 'baby were are you come its safe now' i could hear her voicing and she was scared. She called and called and then i came out from were i was, then she said he is asleep come mamma cooked a delicious meal for us come lets go eat. It was around 10pm. We sat and ate my mom made jokes. We watched movies  and went to sleep. Sunday we went to church and my father was preacher that day . After church we will cater for those who came from far places and when everyone leaves my father will go and get drunk when he comes back we will run and hide and wait for him to fall asleep. This has been going on for years and my mom kept on singing the same song. I wish that one day God will hear my prayer and i will be like any other woman who have loving husband who care and respect them. This was her song her life and today i am singing her song only that i don't wanna see a man in my life. As for her she is still in this situation singing the same song and we as jer kids tried laying charge against my father but police don't hear us. We love him but we cannot break one of the commandments from the Bible :respect your parents . I wish one day she will sing a different song but hope it's not when my dad is dead but he could change and love her the way she needs to be loved. I pray for a different song